When You're Tired, Lie Down

Yesterday I hit a wall. I haven't gotten a good night sleep in 3 weeks. Since my car and I broke up, I've been walking an hour to work and back. In the morning I roll out of bed, walk to work, spend 8 hours doing that work, then come home and work on a calendar that is due in 2 weeks, and practice guitar for an hour. Then I go to bed and it starts all over again. Throughout the day, I also worry over how I am going to move, say goodbye to people I love, and plan a tour I am doing in September. Then there's also the constant question of my life: What am I doing? How am I doing it? All this is to say that I am tired.

So at noon I turned off the computer, got a ride downtown and met Graham at a cafe. He took me out to lunch, eating delicious shrimp and pot stickers and sushi. Then I went over to his place and took a much needed nap. When I woke up, we went for a walk by the river, and then got caramel ice cream with oreo cookies and fudge swirls. Then we walked home, feeling lighter and buzzed with sugar.

A friend of mine gave me amazing advice, when I was telling her how scared I was getting about moving to New York and finding work, and a life, etc. She said, "Be extra kind to yourself during that time. Do every luxury you can afford." I realized yesterday that I didn't need to wait to be kind to myself. Kindness could start right at that moment. I could afford the luxury of just stopping.

Earlier, as I had laid down on Graham's bed for a nap, I called out to Graham, "I've discovered the secret to happiness!" Graham peeked in and said, "What's that?" I looked up at him and said, "When you're tired, lie down."