Inspiration Addict
I’ve been trying my hand at prose again. I wrote a first draft of a novel awhile ago, and have decided–through the inspiration of meeting so many great women writers of late–to finish a solid second draft. Well, it took a lot of reading about writing, inspiration reading, research about writers and their stories before I realized that I needed to just sit down and friggn’ write. Oh, the horror!
Hi my name is Summer. I am an inspiration addict.
There are worse things to be addicted to, true, but I realized it was a way to distract myself, to stop me from DOING THE WORK, I so longed to do. I already know all the tools: 3 pages of extreme of consciousness writing first thing in the morning (Julia Cameron), 1000 words a day or two hours of revision (Carolyn See), write really crappy first drafts (Anne Lamott), trust first thoughts (Natalie Goldberg), Go for a long walk (Brenda Ueland), etc, etc. I know it ALL by heart.
It not only means sitting down and writing–the very IDEA of it makes you excited, right?-- it also means sitting down and writing INSPITE OF all the noise in my head that says: you know what you need? You need a big cup of coffee; Your name is going to look GREAT on the New York Times Best Seller List; Wait, before you begin, maybe you need to read more inspiration; Boy, you’re really awful, this is really awful, do you even KNOW what you’re doing? Maybe you ought to check in with Natalie Goldberg before you continue, etc. I’m tired. Etc.
I wrote down a list of things I want to do before the age of 40, and writing a novel was one of them. I know most of you have these large longings like I do, to be creative, but secretly, we want to do something creatively GREAT. What I’ve been faced with the last week is that there is a little true voice in my head that points to the-novel-written-by-me, like an oasis in the distance. The voice says: you see that over there? It’s the place you always dreamed of going, and you can absolutely go there, but here’s the trick: you have to walk there by yourself and never waiver.
Then I get up, and it’s like both feet are asleep from sitting in a bad position, and it’s hard to walk. It’s like I’ve got two water balloons filled with wet cement for feet. It takes effort and concentration. It’s frustrating and scary mainly because I used to know how to walk very well. I’m not breaking any new ground by saying, the trick is to do it anyway. Dang!
So, what I’ve decided to do is two things:
1. Show up and write 1000 words a day no matter what. I am willing to be bad and be a beginner, to walk with the sloppy feet for awhile.
2. Put away the inspiration books. They are beautiful and wonderful books, but I am ready to start trusting that I have healed enough to try again on my own.
As Annie Dillard says, “How we spend our days, is how we spend our lives.” I didn’t even have to look it up, I memorized that long ago. I want to spend my days writing and drawing and playing music. So what’s stopping you? I swear there is nothing between you and your desk, but air (Summer Pierre).
Hi my name is Summer. I am an inspiration addict.
There are worse things to be addicted to, true, but I realized it was a way to distract myself, to stop me from DOING THE WORK, I so longed to do. I already know all the tools: 3 pages of extreme of consciousness writing first thing in the morning (Julia Cameron), 1000 words a day or two hours of revision (Carolyn See), write really crappy first drafts (Anne Lamott), trust first thoughts (Natalie Goldberg), Go for a long walk (Brenda Ueland), etc, etc. I know it ALL by heart.
It not only means sitting down and writing–the very IDEA of it makes you excited, right?-- it also means sitting down and writing INSPITE OF all the noise in my head that says: you know what you need? You need a big cup of coffee; Your name is going to look GREAT on the New York Times Best Seller List; Wait, before you begin, maybe you need to read more inspiration; Boy, you’re really awful, this is really awful, do you even KNOW what you’re doing? Maybe you ought to check in with Natalie Goldberg before you continue, etc. I’m tired. Etc.
I wrote down a list of things I want to do before the age of 40, and writing a novel was one of them. I know most of you have these large longings like I do, to be creative, but secretly, we want to do something creatively GREAT. What I’ve been faced with the last week is that there is a little true voice in my head that points to the-novel-written-by-me, like an oasis in the distance. The voice says: you see that over there? It’s the place you always dreamed of going, and you can absolutely go there, but here’s the trick: you have to walk there by yourself and never waiver.
Then I get up, and it’s like both feet are asleep from sitting in a bad position, and it’s hard to walk. It’s like I’ve got two water balloons filled with wet cement for feet. It takes effort and concentration. It’s frustrating and scary mainly because I used to know how to walk very well. I’m not breaking any new ground by saying, the trick is to do it anyway. Dang!
So, what I’ve decided to do is two things:
1. Show up and write 1000 words a day no matter what. I am willing to be bad and be a beginner, to walk with the sloppy feet for awhile.
2. Put away the inspiration books. They are beautiful and wonderful books, but I am ready to start trusting that I have healed enough to try again on my own.
As Annie Dillard says, “How we spend our days, is how we spend our lives.” I didn’t even have to look it up, I memorized that long ago. I want to spend my days writing and drawing and playing music. So what’s stopping you? I swear there is nothing between you and your desk, but air (Summer Pierre).
posted by Summer Pierre at
1:17 PM
2 Comments:
http://www.hobartpulp.com/minibooks.html
Trying to do it by the age of 40 is noble, but you have way beyond that to accomplish all the things!! Don't be too hard on yourself about it! (:
I find/get a lot of inspiration-procrastination from reading blogs by women artists, musicians, and writers instead of painting. Oh shit! Like I'm doing right now!
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