The Quality, NOT the Quantity
Well, it's another day in the life of a recovering musician/creative. I went to Connecticut last night in the back seat of my friend Nathan's car, listening to the haunting songs of Sufjan Stevens, and watching the lush landscape roll by. It's been a long time since I was a passenger of a car, watching the sky turn pink, and the haunting trees of New England buzz by.
I played Jitters Coffee house in Southington, CT last night. We were late because of traffic and distance and arrived breathless to an empty house. Eventually a man came in and sat down (Hi Norm!) and listened for the duration of my set. As Nathan said at the end of the night, "It's not the quantity of the audience, it's the QUALITY." Norm, and eventually Ray, and Kerri, who worked behind the bar, were an excellent audience. They listened and they talked to me and they even bought CDs! Yes, they consisted of the HIGHEST quality. My appreciation is endless.
Even so, I got really sad on the way home. After Nathan and Coppelia went to bed, I stayed up and called SARK's inspiration line. She was the only one I could call at 1:30am and leave a very uninspired message. I wrote in my journal all my complaints, my fears, and my worries. I feel old. I feel washed up. I am wondering if I have it in me to really *start* over--to drive 2.5 hours to play to three people. I wrote down all the things that I am grateful for: Graham, feeling comfortable playing, the courage to try, the pink sky on the way to CT...
All my doubt mixed with the tyranny of comparing myself to others, or worse, to my younger self. Graham reminded me of Anne Lamott's words about writing, which can be transferred to any endeavor: Start where you are, do it badly, do it afraid, something always happens. I think my philosopher man is becoming a creative guru--reciting all the stuff I talk about right back at me. Why should I be surprised? He's a smart cookie, and what's more, he has the best heart I know of.
So, today I go to Lowell to see my old friend Eddy Dyer and to play some music at a farm. I will continue to start where I am, do it poorly, do it afraid and aim for the QUALITY, not the quantity.
I played Jitters Coffee house in Southington, CT last night. We were late because of traffic and distance and arrived breathless to an empty house. Eventually a man came in and sat down (Hi Norm!) and listened for the duration of my set. As Nathan said at the end of the night, "It's not the quantity of the audience, it's the QUALITY." Norm, and eventually Ray, and Kerri, who worked behind the bar, were an excellent audience. They listened and they talked to me and they even bought CDs! Yes, they consisted of the HIGHEST quality. My appreciation is endless.
Even so, I got really sad on the way home. After Nathan and Coppelia went to bed, I stayed up and called SARK's inspiration line. She was the only one I could call at 1:30am and leave a very uninspired message. I wrote in my journal all my complaints, my fears, and my worries. I feel old. I feel washed up. I am wondering if I have it in me to really *start* over--to drive 2.5 hours to play to three people. I wrote down all the things that I am grateful for: Graham, feeling comfortable playing, the courage to try, the pink sky on the way to CT...
All my doubt mixed with the tyranny of comparing myself to others, or worse, to my younger self. Graham reminded me of Anne Lamott's words about writing, which can be transferred to any endeavor: Start where you are, do it badly, do it afraid, something always happens. I think my philosopher man is becoming a creative guru--reciting all the stuff I talk about right back at me. Why should I be surprised? He's a smart cookie, and what's more, he has the best heart I know of.
So, today I go to Lowell to see my old friend Eddy Dyer and to play some music at a farm. I will continue to start where I am, do it poorly, do it afraid and aim for the QUALITY, not the quantity.
posted by Summer Pierre at
3:40 PM
3 Comments:
"Creativity takes courage." -Matisse
and
"When you come right down to it, all you have is your self. Your self is a sun with a thousand rays in your belly. The rest is nothing."
-Pablo Picasso
Have a great night tonight!!!
Well, I just looked at your site for the first time in months... who knows how many! Not me fer sure.
So I have done the standard blog reader thing, hop-scotching back through your time - past googlyeyesoncocks (massive snicker, followed by uncontrollable giggling) to here, which seems to be the earliest of recent history.
So, I should make a comment, having clicked here.
Ok, my comment is this:
You are pretty freaakin good at this medium (quel surprise - you've been good at every other one you've tried too (well, I don't know about physics)).
So, congratufuckinglations!
Loveya,
G.
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