Your Life's Work

"We blossom just the trees blossom, but we cooperate so much less."
-Julia Cameron

Once again, I am rising back to the upside of mood and attitude. I’m reading Julia Cameron again. I like her immediate reminders that art is not just about what you show of yourself—it’s what you MAKE of yourself. Your life’s work is, ultimately, your life.

I did the Artist’s Way years ago and it did wonders—it changed the way I looked at the world. I got it as a last ditch effort for the increasing panic I was feeling over my songwriter’s block. It didn’t lift the songwriter’s block, (I think I was still too attached to things I am still learning to let go) but it got me to draw again and to write fiction again.

The one part of the weekly program I never could get my head around was The Artist Date. For those of you who don’t know, the Artist Date is a weekly excursion you do on your own to something that delights or inspires you. I always ran out of ideas or thought I didn’t have any beyond renting an old movie. I think actually there are lots of things that I know I could do, but resistance gives me convenient amnesia.

Last night, after a second interview with the temp agency, I decided to try a different route home. I no sooner turned a corner and found myself purely by accident next to the Algonquin Hotel. I love this place tremendously. I went there last year initially because of the famous history of Dorothy Parker and the round table. Once inside, however, I immediately fell in love with the gorgeous lobby. It’s the oldest hotel in New York, with dark columns and gold murals, and a selection of couches and comfortable chairs. It’s pricey, so I can’t go there very often, but when I do, I’m in Heaven.

I’d always wanted to go there alone, and here I was mere feet from it. I always tell myself I can’t afford to do things. It’s an old habit that has kept me from major debts, but I think it’s also kept me from doing things I actually could do, but have been afraid to say yes too. Lately, I’ve been practicing reality financing and that means checking in to see if I’m just afraid for fear sake or am I really without. I checked the balance of my account and decided I could afford to spend $20 to do something I always wanted to do. Once inside, I immediately was ecstatic with inspiration. It was so peaceful there, and beautiful. I was seated near the old chiming clock. I ordered a salad and an ice tea from the kind waiter who called me “Madam.” Then I set to drawing the room in my journal.

Not only did Dorothy Parker, James Thurber, Harpo Marx, among others, lunch with their friends at the Algonquin, but the play My Fair Lady was written on the third floor, and Anne Sexton made changes and rewrites to her play Mercy Street there. Sitting in my highback chair, looking up at the gold murals of mountains and birds, I felt that muses lived there. I don’t remember the last time I felt so alive creatively. I wrote and drew for THREE HOURS. People came and went. I saw a woman drinking a beer and reading on the other side of the room and felt a sort of kinship with her. I felt a kinship with EVERYONE.

When I left, I was a little in love with my life. I think that’s what Artist Dates teach you—to say yes to the things that light you up, so that you can see you don’t need an entirely different life in order to live your dreams now. There are things right now, you can do that you’ve always wanted to do. Something small, that says I LOVE THIS! Eat cotton candy, ride a rollercoaster, go to a button shop, buy a pair of red shoes. I realized last night that I am living in a city that has MILLIONS of things I’ve always wanted to experience. If I can’t find anything to do—the problem is ME. Isn’t that always the way, though? The things that stop me aren’t location, money, age or anything. It’s just me. Always me. It felt good to help myself out a little.