As It Turned Out

what is a hero?
--a silent indian
--a uranian guerilla
--a hard and heartless abstract expressionist
--or a little girl with glasses
-Patti Smith

Nothing exciting to say, since I've had a horrible bout of the stomach flu, and a sort of regression--I chickened out AGAIN about going to the subway. Here I was SO BRAVE and EXCITED and then I chickened out. Well, the waves go in and the waves go out.

And just as the waves were going out, the waves came in again: When I was hemming and hawing over going down into the subway on Wednesday, Patti Smith came on the radio, being interviewed about her new book of poems. This was thrilling for me, because I she's a hero of mine and it seemed perfect timing, as I've been listening to her a lot lately. As it turned out, she was reading THAT NIGHT at Barnes & Noble in Union Square--a 20 minute direct subway ride for me. I couldn't believe it!

Of course, by the time evening rolled around, I was already talking myself out of it. It's cold, I'm tired, it's late, it will be too crowded, wah wah wah. Then a bigger voice said, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It's PATTI SMITH! You've never seen her before--are you going to ignore this chance?? Even though it was later than I wanted to get there, knowing how New York crowds could be, I went, grumbling anyway. You can imagine my shock, when I ended up in the SECOND ROW! It was one of the coldest nights we've had here in New York, which apparently kept a lot of people away. I am SO GLAD that it didn't keep me away!

When she walked in, she was funny and nerdy and answered a lot of questions from questionable people. When a guy said, "Could you look over here when you read, because we can't see your face as well and that's how you did it at St. Marks." She grinned and said, "Believe me, you ain't missing much." Then she said, "Well, how 'bout I do this?" And she walked from one side of the stage to the other, with her hands on her hips, saying,"Get a good look! Here you go!"

My favorite parts are when she sang some of her old poems--the whole room sat up with electricity. She told funny stories about moments with Bob Dylan and the Dalai Lama, which seems to me a good way to describe the breadth of her artistic territory.

When I was about to go get my two books signed, the guy next to me informed me that she was only signing her new book. Since I was not buying her new book, I was sorely saddened, but then at the last minute I decided to get in line anyway. And AS IT TURNED OUT, because of the lower turn out, she was signing all her other books. Yippee! When I got up there, she had thick glasses on and was barely interacting with anyone. She looked at the name on the sticky note, wrote it down, said thank you and that was it. I thought, I better make THIS GOOD. So when she was scribbling my name I told her that her work inspires me to keep going in my art and thank you for that. She stopped and grinned with all her big teeth and her old lady mustache and said, "What a WONDERFUL compliment. Thank you SO MUCH!"

I'm amazed ALL THE TIME at the OBVIOUS things that the negative voices try to get me not to do. Again and again, I say, if we can just squeeze past them, those monkeys, those dragons, there are untold riches just waiting for us take hold, and seize them up.