Let It Be Known

Graham and I in my crazy pink studio, Friday night.

What to say, but the weekend was near perfection? I could be sad about it being over, but when something lifts you, it carries you out and keeps you lifted through the more routine days, like today.

I went out to tea with a woman I hadn't seen in ages, and who I think is really quite a powerhouse. After we had tea, we walked from Chelsea to the East Village and traded the tea for a drink at my favorite bar. I laughed the whole way, while I shivered in the wind. After she left to go home and write, I wanted to tell her how much she inspires me. She inspires me in a way that isn't CREATIVE. She inspires me with her history, with her belief in the THE WORK. All my life I have met people who "write"--but she is commited and real and IN DEEP with writing, like it is a marriage that requires every day attention. It makes me want to do the same. It makes me want to dig in deeper.

All weekend I was thinking about Truman Capote's history--how I relate to it a lot, and how I like the example that he made something of his life inspite of it. I thought about what stops me and then I came back to that feeling of fear and what am I willing to risk to have the life I want?

I was thinking about this as G. & I walked through Central Park under the bare, historic trees. I was thinking about this when we stopped to watch a hawk ponder over his breakfast of a squirrel on a low branch. I was thinking about this over breakfast at the Manhattan Diner. I was DEEP in thought about it at the bookstore and on the way home, with a huge roll of white paper under my arm. I began to make a mental list of things to do that are OUT of my comfort zone:
1. Play in the subway (again, until it becomes habit).
2. Make an appointment with the Chair of the Graduate Program in Illustration at the School of Visual Arts to show him my portfolio (even though I don't think I am "ready").
3. Sell my artwork (even though I don't think it's "good enough").
4. Join a writing group (even though I don't think my work is "ready").

In short, I need to RISK BEING SEEN, regardless of HOW I LOOK.

When I got home, was it any wonder that I was filled with energy? I set to the desk and rolled out the paper and began TWO large pieces. They are my first large pieces in YEARS. I didn't plan anything, I didn't fuss about it, I just saw something in my heart/head and bent towards the paper and let it be known.