Fearlessly, Erica Jong (and Henry Miller)

On Tuesday night I went to the Strand bookstore and saw Erica Jong discuss her new book, Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life. I'm going to out myself right now: I am a CONFLICTED Erica Jong reader. I secretly LOVE her, but feel TOTALLY GUILTY about it. She's so flashy and cheesy in so many ways and yet, she LOVES writing and writers and is a total romantic. I relate to and am inspired by her love of letters and so that is the reason why I keep going back to her.

At the Strand, Jong was gregarious, attractive, charming, opinionated, and open. All the things that her writing paints her to be. There were a number of things she addressed as a creative that really resonated for me. For example, how blocks are psychological blocks--once you can move through what is blocking you psychologically, you can move through artistically. Also, that success is just another block. You must always begin as a beginner and not buy into your own crappy ideas of what is "good." And also, how when she avoids her writing, because she is afraid, she knows she is on to something. (I almost LEAPT out of my seat on that one.)

She talked about how when she wrote and published her famous novel, Fear of Flying, she was trying to break the mold of the "successful woman writer"-- that she must suffer, create genius, and then die. She said, "There are only FIRST ACTS in American success stories. After that, you're supposed to die so that we can say, 'Oh, wasn't Sylvia Plath a wonderful writer' or 'oh wasn't Anne Sexton a wonderful writer.'" She went on to say that she looked at the work and life of Colette for an example of a woman, who lived and kept going. Some of her works were best-sellers, some of them were not--but she KEPT GOING. That is always the point--to keep going.

Later, as I waited in line I had the usual book-signing jitters. How was I going to MAKE THIS GOOD? I felt embarrassed that I only had one book with me. I had intended on bringing all my books by her, including Seducing the Demon, but instead I had forgot, and was left with the one I happened to be reading, her book on Henry Miller, The Devil at Large. Pam gave me this book for Christmas in 1993, and although I have enjoyed its thick, red presence on my bookshelf, I'd never read it. As it turns out, after all the books I've read by Jong, THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE. It is utterly inspiring to someone who is considering a leap into art full-time. I've heard Henry Miller quoted many times around the creative circles, but had never read him.

After seeing the girl in front of me almost start crying in the presence of her "Total hero and inspiration," I thought I was going to lose it. Instead, I explained in a quick breath how I was very sorry, I meant to bring more books, but this is the one I am reading, and I think it is my favorite book and thank you so much. Oh, yeah, and it is TOTALLY INSPIRING. She said, "Well, it's about complete surrender to the creative life."
Me: "I Know!"
Erica Jong: "I mean, that is what Henry GAVE ME. Permission to do it and be happy."
Me: (Thinking--OH MY GOD THAT's RIGHT--she KNEW Henry Miller) "I know!"
Erica Jong: "And it's about joy."
Me: "I know! I love--"
Erica Jong: (interrupting) "I think that's why everybody HATED him--he was TOO GODDAMN HAPPY!"
Me: "I KNOW!" and just as Erica Jong was about to launch into another thought, I interrupted her and said, "Well, THIS book gives me a lot of joy and so does your work. THANK YOU." and she smiled and said thank you and that was all she wrote.

She signed her book to me: "To Summer. Fearlessly, Erica Jong." I know she signs all her books this way, but somehow it felt totally RIGHT for me at that moment and with this book. Do you ever feel that things like books and artists find you at particular times in your life, when it is JUST RIGHT? That is how I feel about this book and about Henry Miller. I feel a sense of daring, a little nudge from the world that says GO.