Shine Like a Crazy Diamond

Good morning! Have a good week? I had a wild week--it was as if going off the computer made my world a daily bout of THINGS TO TELL. I had crazy subway rides, disocveries of new neighborhoods, wild dreams, and kittens who's EYES HAVE OPENED! I went into greet Sleater-Kitty and the gang, and found 5 pairs of eyes looking in my direction! It was ADORABLE.

I also played a show on friday, which felt kind of special. Pianos can be a rough place to play--no pay, and the "audience" usually stands around talking and ignoring you. This is what happened intially, then the bulk of the "audience" left, emptying the room, but for a couple who had come to see me, Graham, and the bar staff. Normally, this kind of show would have winded me. I would have felt APOLOGETIC--but something happened in me. I felt a little switch that said: this show is not going to make or break me, it's about doing what I am meant to do: shine like a CRAZY DIAMOND. I played my heart out. Here's a secret: if the bar staff like you, YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR. They see people every single night, and are want to ignore you and treat you like the kid their parents FORCED to invite to their party. The Pianos bar staff were a KICK ASS audience. It helped to have them be so warm and encouraging.

Then there was Graham. I know I say this all the time, but I love this man. I told him about my new sense of feeling and he said that he could tell something had changed. Then he said, "You are so good. I am not kidding, you are REALLY GOOD. If you ever doubt that you are rocking just know that I am ROCKING OUT ENTIRELY with you. I am so completely with you!" It was one of those moments that I took in, foldinf it up like a wonderful letter, and stored it inside of me. It was one of my favorite Graham moments. Afterwards we DID go to Katz's and I hadthe best tasting pastrami on the PLANET!

I feel more committed to this musical path than ever before. I still don't understand anything, I am not sure what anything means, but I feel like all I want to do is live this life in this way. I'm good at it. Also, and more to the point, I LOVE PLAYING MUSIC SO MUCH IT MAKES MY HEART BUST OPEN. I might feel completely different tomorrow or maybe even later on today, but right this second, on a rainy morning in New York, I feel ready and solid and very hopeful indeed.