The Imaginary Friend We Believe In
Yesterday when I came into work, I was feeling tired and little winded from the previous night's performance. I felt it had gone adequately, which is another way of saying, I was trying to convince myself that I don't UTTERLY SUCK. It wasn't a bad performance, it was just one of those performances that I had felt just a wee bit critical of myself. Meaning, it didn't go PERFECTLY. Then I ran into a co-worker of mine, who had been to the show, and he stood there and gave me what can only be qualified as a RAVE REVIEW. Then I remembered the rule I had recently established for myself: No matter what my experience of the show is, it doesn't mirror anyone else's. The audience ALWAYS has a different experience than I do. I had forgotten this simple fact, and thank God I had someone to remind me of it!
Lynda Barry calls our critical side, "The imaginary friend we believe in." Why in the heck do we believe in the BAD imaginary friend, instead of the GOOD imaginary friend who you played with as a kid, that helped make up stories or create spaghetti out of play dough and a garlic press? Seriously, what gives? I don't know about any one else, but i seem to have this imaginary Howard Cosel guy in my head as I play a show that reports on everything I do: Oh, now she's strumming her guitar, ope! She almost missed that chord change. Will she, ladies and gentlemen, REMEMBER THE NEXT LINE OF THE SONG? She's stepping up to the mic...oh...it's going to be a close one folks...
What a DRAG!
That's why I think quiet meditation helps so much--it's just a practice in witnessing thought, detaching yourself from it, and letting it pass through like a cloud. Being present is a tough thing to do when you perform, and it's easy to get caught up in expectations or judgement. I try really hard to just let go and live in the song, not in the audience. Sometimes I forget, like I did on Wednesday, and I was left with the critical hangover--the one that happens LONG AFTER the performance has ended and has bloomed into a terrific story. My feelings in this case are totally based in a non reality. Thank God I had someone to cross my path and remind me: The show you watched is NOT the same as the one you ACTUALLY PERFORMED.
Come listen and see me practice LIVING IN THE MOMENT this weekend. I'll be so happy to see you:
**Radio Appearance!**
Saturday, June 10, 2006
8:15am--8:45am (EDT)
WERS 88.9 FM
Boston, MA
tune in or listen to it on-line!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The Java Hut
9:30pm-11:30pm
1073 Main St
Worcester, MA
Lynda Barry calls our critical side, "The imaginary friend we believe in." Why in the heck do we believe in the BAD imaginary friend, instead of the GOOD imaginary friend who you played with as a kid, that helped make up stories or create spaghetti out of play dough and a garlic press? Seriously, what gives? I don't know about any one else, but i seem to have this imaginary Howard Cosel guy in my head as I play a show that reports on everything I do: Oh, now she's strumming her guitar, ope! She almost missed that chord change. Will she, ladies and gentlemen, REMEMBER THE NEXT LINE OF THE SONG? She's stepping up to the mic...oh...it's going to be a close one folks...
What a DRAG!
That's why I think quiet meditation helps so much--it's just a practice in witnessing thought, detaching yourself from it, and letting it pass through like a cloud. Being present is a tough thing to do when you perform, and it's easy to get caught up in expectations or judgement. I try really hard to just let go and live in the song, not in the audience. Sometimes I forget, like I did on Wednesday, and I was left with the critical hangover--the one that happens LONG AFTER the performance has ended and has bloomed into a terrific story. My feelings in this case are totally based in a non reality. Thank God I had someone to cross my path and remind me: The show you watched is NOT the same as the one you ACTUALLY PERFORMED.
Come listen and see me practice LIVING IN THE MOMENT this weekend. I'll be so happy to see you:
**Radio Appearance!**
Saturday, June 10, 2006
8:15am--8:45am (EDT)
WERS 88.9 FM
Boston, MA
tune in or listen to it on-line!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
The Java Hut
9:30pm-11:30pm
1073 Main St
Worcester, MA
posted by Summer Pierre at
10:27 AM
2 Comments:
I've always wondered myself why we are always our worst critic. You would think it would be the other way around. Last month's Psychology Today had an interesting article on beauty, and the premise is that everyone, including the most beautiful people, think they look much worse than others see them.
oh RATS! I missed your show. I'm sorry but I'm sure there will be many other opportunities where you be a radio celeb!
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