Top Monkeys
Well, it was quite a week. It was not at all what I expected--and what happens when your expectations are not met? A TON OF FLAILING AROUND ABOUNDS.
Omega itself is gorgeous. Actually, it reminded me of the set of Dirty Dancing. I kept expecting a New Age Patrick Swayze to jump out and say, "No one puts my chakra in a corner!" Lots of vegetarian food, lots of men in skirts, lots of hugging, and lots of LEARNING. My first lesson, upon entering the classroom: I realized that I signed up to meet someone I greatly admire, only to realize that the sole purpose of the class was to WRITE. Very different indeed. Lynda Barry was not there to MEET US, she was there to TEACH US. Therefore, she never learned our names or cared to. We were not to speak at all during classtime. We were not there to socialize. We were not even to look at people when they read out loud. Lynda didn't even look at us--instead, she stooped in front of our seat and looked at our feet. When we were done, she looked us in the eye and proclaimed: GOOD! This was to foster a place where we were all anonymous, and therefore all equal. The bad side of this, is that I was constantly confronted with the fact that I would never be known by my hero. The up side of this is that I did intensive, creative work without a jabber of the mental critic at work.
Outside of class, we were not to speak of the work at all. I have to say, that this was my favorite rule. I realized that when I left the classroom, I left the work there. I didn't think about it. I didn't mentally assess anything and I didn't worry about it. For me, Miss Hyper Mind of the Universe, this was an active miracle. Then again, I was so engaged in being FREAKED OUT by the REALITY of Lynda Barry, that I didn't have TIME to think of the writing I was doing either.
I wasn't going to write about this part, because I'm a little embarrassed by how much it affected me, but it had a HUGE impact on my week. I wonder what the class would have been like if I hadn't been obsessed with the teacher before hand. Lynda talked about how obsessed we all are with cool people, top people, celebrities, etc. She talked about how monkeys are also very obsessed with the Top monkeys. They will trade their best food for only two things: 1) pictures of monkey butts and 2) pictures of top monkeys. Lynda, for me, was THE top monkey. I desperately wanted to have SOME MOMENT with her that I could tell her how her work and example has been a lantern for me in DARK TIMES. I wanted her to at least know my name! For THE WHOLE WEEK I agonized over this--hoping EACH DAY that there would be a moment--but it wasn't to be. She was highly controlling of the atmosphere and how people engaged with her. She rarely came to meals. When the class ended, she told us to stay in our seats, while she literally RAN AWAY and HID. I can imagine that there are lots of very good reasons for this, but it was VERY painful for me. Inevitably, it changed the way I perceived her and her work. It also made me confront my own belief systems, and my way of perceiving the top monkeys of my life. It kind of leveled the field for me.
I came back to New York filled with a strange cocktail of bitter disappointment, hope, inspiration, and grief. I grieved the expectations that were not met, but I was moved and excited to continue the work I had learned there. I also met some GREAT people (hi guys!).
So this is my message from this week: SCREW TOP MONKEYS! Do what you want ANYWAY. You will never be validated by the "right" people. Your story will never be the same as anyone else's! Just KICK ASS. Be YOUR OWN Top Monkey. Man, I hope I can remember this, because it will SAVE ME SO MUCH heartache and TIME. Seriously--whatever you are looking for to live your BIGGEST DREAMS is ALREADY HAPPENING without anybody else's help. Just do it!
I was glad to be home and to apply all that I learned in the REAL and NOW.
PS I just want to say that I would ABSOLUTELY recommend this class to anyone who wants to explore: 1) memories 2) creativity as a daily practice 3) new ways of non-thinking. Some wonderful things about Lynda as a teacher are that she is incredibly intellegent and highly gifted as a lecturer. Having seen her at readings, I knew that she was a natural entertainer, and so you will laugh. For another, probably more balanced view of the class experience, you can read Anne, another class participant, and her experience here.
Omega itself is gorgeous. Actually, it reminded me of the set of Dirty Dancing. I kept expecting a New Age Patrick Swayze to jump out and say, "No one puts my chakra in a corner!" Lots of vegetarian food, lots of men in skirts, lots of hugging, and lots of LEARNING. My first lesson, upon entering the classroom: I realized that I signed up to meet someone I greatly admire, only to realize that the sole purpose of the class was to WRITE. Very different indeed. Lynda Barry was not there to MEET US, she was there to TEACH US. Therefore, she never learned our names or cared to. We were not to speak at all during classtime. We were not there to socialize. We were not even to look at people when they read out loud. Lynda didn't even look at us--instead, she stooped in front of our seat and looked at our feet. When we were done, she looked us in the eye and proclaimed: GOOD! This was to foster a place where we were all anonymous, and therefore all equal. The bad side of this, is that I was constantly confronted with the fact that I would never be known by my hero. The up side of this is that I did intensive, creative work without a jabber of the mental critic at work.
Outside of class, we were not to speak of the work at all. I have to say, that this was my favorite rule. I realized that when I left the classroom, I left the work there. I didn't think about it. I didn't mentally assess anything and I didn't worry about it. For me, Miss Hyper Mind of the Universe, this was an active miracle. Then again, I was so engaged in being FREAKED OUT by the REALITY of Lynda Barry, that I didn't have TIME to think of the writing I was doing either.
I wasn't going to write about this part, because I'm a little embarrassed by how much it affected me, but it had a HUGE impact on my week. I wonder what the class would have been like if I hadn't been obsessed with the teacher before hand. Lynda talked about how obsessed we all are with cool people, top people, celebrities, etc. She talked about how monkeys are also very obsessed with the Top monkeys. They will trade their best food for only two things: 1) pictures of monkey butts and 2) pictures of top monkeys. Lynda, for me, was THE top monkey. I desperately wanted to have SOME MOMENT with her that I could tell her how her work and example has been a lantern for me in DARK TIMES. I wanted her to at least know my name! For THE WHOLE WEEK I agonized over this--hoping EACH DAY that there would be a moment--but it wasn't to be. She was highly controlling of the atmosphere and how people engaged with her. She rarely came to meals. When the class ended, she told us to stay in our seats, while she literally RAN AWAY and HID. I can imagine that there are lots of very good reasons for this, but it was VERY painful for me. Inevitably, it changed the way I perceived her and her work. It also made me confront my own belief systems, and my way of perceiving the top monkeys of my life. It kind of leveled the field for me.
I came back to New York filled with a strange cocktail of bitter disappointment, hope, inspiration, and grief. I grieved the expectations that were not met, but I was moved and excited to continue the work I had learned there. I also met some GREAT people (hi guys!).
So this is my message from this week: SCREW TOP MONKEYS! Do what you want ANYWAY. You will never be validated by the "right" people. Your story will never be the same as anyone else's! Just KICK ASS. Be YOUR OWN Top Monkey. Man, I hope I can remember this, because it will SAVE ME SO MUCH heartache and TIME. Seriously--whatever you are looking for to live your BIGGEST DREAMS is ALREADY HAPPENING without anybody else's help. Just do it!
I was glad to be home and to apply all that I learned in the REAL and NOW.
PS I just want to say that I would ABSOLUTELY recommend this class to anyone who wants to explore: 1) memories 2) creativity as a daily practice 3) new ways of non-thinking. Some wonderful things about Lynda as a teacher are that she is incredibly intellegent and highly gifted as a lecturer. Having seen her at readings, I knew that she was a natural entertainer, and so you will laugh. For another, probably more balanced view of the class experience, you can read Anne, another class participant, and her experience here.
posted by Summer Pierre at
10:08 AM
7 Comments:
"screw top monkeys." Wow, that blows me away. I've never thought about it like that but you are so right. The top monkeys (cool people) don't know me from adam... why *would* I want/need their approval? As people I know we all want to reach out and make connections but to base our value on someone we don't know is just a recipe for heartache and trouble.
THANK YOU for sharing this lesson, I'm going to try to take it to heart.
jamaica
Sorry for your big disappointment! Actually, I think it kinda sucks that Lynda was so impersonal. But I do love the message you took away from it all and thanks for passing it down. Would you recommend this class to others?
That was a hard lesson you got up there...but one that will probably serve you well. Maybe we all need bumper stickers that say, "Be your own top monkey!" :) Thanks for sharing what you did in this post.
Summer: I can identify. I found myself a little angry with her by day 3--is she controlling or what? Then realized this is how she has to do it. Maybe she really is a recluse. Introverted people have a really rough time with fame. I'm sure we seemed a little like vultures to her, all wanting her to adore us back.
I do hope you continue to love her work. I sure do.
I have been thinking about this post alot the last few days....it has disturbed me....in a good way...I think(?) I guess I still daydream about being best friends with my creative "heroes"....now I feel sorta ashamed about it....But I can see how it has kept me from creating and even stopped me from being a better friend to the "regular" folk around me, and that is even more shameful....I consider myself an introvert also and have had the thought that "imaginary" friendships are much much easier than real ones.....
LB is much more accessible this summer (2007). She's always at meals and will talk with anybody during breaks and doesn't run away after class. I haven't had a "moment" with her either, but the opportunities are actually there.
I am SOOOOOOO JEALOUS! But also glad. Her class changed my life. A year later, I can see how its direct impact on so many things. Her ideas are fantastic.
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