Watching the Water Change Colors

So. Tired. It is hard to believe that 27 hours ago, Graham and I stood on the dock awaiting our sea plane, in the quiet morning. As a last goodbye, we were treated to a bald eagle swooping in front of us to grab at some bait, only to flee across the water to a visable nest. It still shocks me to think of the wingspan of that bird, and the closeness of its presence and how it was all so sudden and yet so natural. I kept it together until we were in the tiny plane, watching Pam's figure on the shore, snapping pictures. Then the inevitable grief of leaving came over me. Good-byes are hard for me. It's like a door opens in my chest, and the water pours in. I was sad to be leaving my family and I was sad to be leaving this place I felt suddenly so attached to. How can a week somewhere change your life? Travel always changes you, and this visit was no different. I watched the water beneath us shimmer and change colors as we swooped above it.

We got into our sticky, humid apartment at 1:00am. I was both excited and bereft. We went to bed and I woke up once totally confused to where I was, and then never got back to sleep entirely. The quiet we had steeped ourselves in for the last week was replaced by the engine of the air conditioner and the sound of traffic. We had seen a fist fight in the cab home, as we enetered our neighborhood. We are back home, but it is all so confusing.

This morning, I came into work, reading Emily Carr's journals, dizzy with lack of sleep, and the confusion of reading about where we had just been, while sitting in where I was--a crowded, loud subway car. When I rushed to get the 6 train, two men held the door open for me. I smiled at them and thanked them and they returned it was a firm nod. New York's way of saying HAVE A NICE DAY. It helped.

There is something about Canada that just makes sense. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I am almost jealous of you Canadians--there is a nationality that I could comprehend. Canada isn't perfect, of course. They've got their own politics, their own complaints, I am sure. To me, it just felt RIGHT and GOOD and I miss it today. I can see why Pam & Gary moved there. I can see why I will return there again and again.