Friends, Migraines, and Blogging

I had a relatively great weeekend. This last week I had been UBER SOCIAL--literally, seeing someone every night. This was after Graham and I sat down at a cafe last sunday and made a potential wedding invite list. We realized that there are only about three people on that list that are in our New York life. The rest are all in California. It was one of those moments where you ask, "What am I doing here?" Nearly all the people we love and treasure are not just away, but FAR AWAY. Being that it was sunday evening, potentially one of the most LONELY times of the week, we sat there with the list and looked at eachother like two castaways on a deserted island. Almost as if the world was eavesdropping, some friend would call up or e-mail and say, "Hey, what are you doing later?" It turned out to be PACKED. The 3 New York friends called, and then two new ones, and then old friends who just moved here beckoned, and it was GREAT. The weather was GLORIOUS and I got to go to areas I never go, like the Bronx and all the way through (and back again) to Prospect Park. I got to go to two of my favorite New York spots. More than that, I got to talk beyond politics and weather. I got to listen and really HEAR about what people are up to, what they are thinking these days, what is exciting to them. It's exciting to me too. I even got GOOD MAIL. In one day I received a card from my best friend Jenny Sue and a novel manuscript from my friend Rico. The world was outstreching its eely tenticles and saying, WE KNOW YOU ARE HERE!

It was MUCH needed.

And then...the waves come in and the waves go out...

I was down for two days with a raging migraine sunday and yesterday, with no relief. Yesterday was the worst. I kept twisting and turning in bed trying to get SOME relief, and then when I couldn't find ANY, and I would just cry from the horrendous pain on the right side of my brain. I am fragile and a little weepy today, due to a migraine hangover. It seems now I don't get migraines as often as I used to, but when I do: WATCH OUT! I am grateful to be up and out today, but when I almost started crying out of frustration at the late and crowded subway, I knew that my chemicals were still trying to assemble themselves and regroup after the storm.

I was asked recently WHY BLOG? Lately, it's been a question on a lot of people's minds. Today, as I chart the greatness and the low levels of the last few days, i see why. I had FORGOTEEN ALREADY all the joy I experienced right up until Saturday night. The memory of it had been obliterated by all the pain and illeness--but writing it down here was like putting the pieces back together. I like being able to witness ALL OF IT. Don't you? So often we write down the lessons--for me, it's writing down the WHOLE OF IT, so that I may look back and see how I haven't lost anything. By writing it down, the truth of it remains. It's good to taste the sweetness of so much company, and not have it lost in the hangover, which will evaporate anyway. I don't mind seeing THAT go. I do mind forgetting all the riches that came my way.