Do I Know It's Christmas?
I’m flying out to California to spend the first part of Christmas in California in two weeks, and it occurs to me that it’s that time of the year known to many as CHRISTMAS TIME (in all caps). In theory, I love CHRISTMAS TIME. I love the colors and the creativity it implies and the glitter and the baked goods and the smells of Christmas trees and sweets that fill the home. Except, there is this really funny thing that happens almost every year. It’s a tradition of sorts. The tradition of I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME. Maybe it’s because I don’t have TV, so I miss out on all the beloved Christmas specials like Rudolph, and best of all, A Charlie Brown Christmas and let us not forget the Grinch. Maybe it’s because the last few years I’ve procrastinated on gifts and felt too broke to buy them, so I didn’t get to experience the whole gift giving thing to the hilt, which always makes me feel in the mood.
Sometimes I am not sure WHY I actually love Christmas, because historically it has been nothing but an emotionally fractured time between family members, and stressful for the bank account and the sense of time. Last year was a practice in emotional rubberbanding and soul searching of why and how I do things when it comes to family and the holidays. This year is turning out no different, with an astounding number of real and serious crisis looming in SEVERAL branches of my family and community. When I think about getting on the plane, I feel a little bit like that cowboy who rides the bomb to its explosive destination in Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove. YEEHAW!
And yet, YET, I am also excited to see people and eat my favorite foods. My little brother Luke, aged 6, has finally acknowledged me as his big sister, instead of just a BIG PLAYMATE that makes Rusty the train come to life. Janae, his mother, told me he was telling one of his classmates, “My big sister is FORTY-FOUR.” Cut that by ten years and he’d be right on the money, but WHO CARES? Luke and my little sister Lily are like a GIANT MAGNET of love and affection and funny relating that PULL ME IN. And then there’s California, that odd state I will always be equally HUNGRY to go to, and HAPPY to flee. I can’t wait for Mexican Food and the Pacific Ocean, and memories and colors that flood me and make me know who I am in the strangest way. And maybe that’s what Christmas is for me. It’s a time to gather together and to travel through the places I have come from—whether familial or in geography. It’s a time to check-in, and to whether the things that make me and everyone else I know human and humbled. And it’s a time for presents. Let us never forget the gifts we bring to those who take us in, and the gifts they bring to us. I think I just felt the first tingle of CHRISTMAS TIME.
Sometimes I am not sure WHY I actually love Christmas, because historically it has been nothing but an emotionally fractured time between family members, and stressful for the bank account and the sense of time. Last year was a practice in emotional rubberbanding and soul searching of why and how I do things when it comes to family and the holidays. This year is turning out no different, with an astounding number of real and serious crisis looming in SEVERAL branches of my family and community. When I think about getting on the plane, I feel a little bit like that cowboy who rides the bomb to its explosive destination in Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove. YEEHAW!
And yet, YET, I am also excited to see people and eat my favorite foods. My little brother Luke, aged 6, has finally acknowledged me as his big sister, instead of just a BIG PLAYMATE that makes Rusty the train come to life. Janae, his mother, told me he was telling one of his classmates, “My big sister is FORTY-FOUR.” Cut that by ten years and he’d be right on the money, but WHO CARES? Luke and my little sister Lily are like a GIANT MAGNET of love and affection and funny relating that PULL ME IN. And then there’s California, that odd state I will always be equally HUNGRY to go to, and HAPPY to flee. I can’t wait for Mexican Food and the Pacific Ocean, and memories and colors that flood me and make me know who I am in the strangest way. And maybe that’s what Christmas is for me. It’s a time to gather together and to travel through the places I have come from—whether familial or in geography. It’s a time to check-in, and to whether the things that make me and everyone else I know human and humbled. And it’s a time for presents. Let us never forget the gifts we bring to those who take us in, and the gifts they bring to us. I think I just felt the first tingle of CHRISTMAS TIME.
posted by Summer Pierre at
3:10 PM
1 Comments:
I think once you figure out that Santa really doesn't exist, and you grow out of the Christmas plays from school, it starts the downward sprial of the feeling of Chirstmas. Then, add to that the fact that, when you get older, you can just buy what you want/need and therefore, don't need a Christmas list. Or, if you can't afford it, who else can? You grow the mentality of knowing that money actually DOESN'T grow on trees.
I, too, completely adore Christmas time. And, just so you don't feel terribly left out, having TV or not having TV doesn't make a bit of difference in the lack of Christmas spirit.
I think, the best part of Christmas, and the meaning of Christmas, is to give what you can give to those who matter to you, and maybe even a little to those who don't. AND, to go see family. Maybe that's been MY problem the past few years. I've yet to spend Christmas with my, now 5 year old brother. I think children help to make it feel a little more Christmas-y.
Sorry for such the long comment, but you surely hit a cord that describes my mood the last few years, and I thought it was just me. I'm glad to know that I'm NOT alone and that's it's O.K. to not be so full of mysterious excitement you once felt as a kid.
Just make sure you still smile and appreciate what you do have that makes you happy. =]
Merry Christmas, Summer!
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