Ah, Yes, the Joyous Event

OMG! THANK YOU ALL for all your words of congrats and good wishes! It really means a lot! Seriously, what a wonderful world it is when you are greeted so warmly.

It's been an interesting voyage ALREADY since we announced our engagement. Like so many big life events, there is already trepedition and worry and stress being expressed by many people about what shall now be referred to as THE WEDDING (trademark pending). A Lot of people have opinions. A lot of people are scared. I know that weddings, while widly considered joyous events, are also a pain in the ass, and for most of the participants and many attendees, they are a subject of much griping. Believe me, as someone who has already planned an aborted wedding, been a bridesmaid a few times, and attended several, I know what a wedding can produce in the way of neurosis and baggage. On the other side of it, I've also witnessed great miracles of tansendence on wedding days.

Still, if I had the money, I wouldn't hire a wedding planner, I'd hire a THERAPIST to be on hand for the entire process. There's no getting beyond THE FEELINGS weddings produce. Relatively sane people can be reduced to raging puddles of insecurities, while borderline types should be kept away from sharp objects and gun cabinets. When you have a patchwork family, made up of people who aren't necessarily pleased they are still sewn together, it gets, shall we say, INTERESTING. Interesting is one way to put it, CERTAFIABLY TOUCHY is another.

We are getting married IN A YEAR, and already there are (cough) CONCERNS. Why spend money on a wedding at all? Why have an event that just stirs the shizzle? Why not just elope? All good questions. Yet, I want one--even if it's rickety and taped together and totally coming apart at the seams. I mean, how great is it that you get to make out with someone in public (to cheering), wear a fun dress, and eat good cake all in one day? Pretty sweet, if you ask me.

Ultimately, the dream for me is to be surrounded by the people I love and the people who have helped bring me to this commitment. I also would love it if the war in Iraq would end, and that the lion would indeed lay down with the lamb, but you must learn to PICK YOUR BATTLES. I say, if it's too much (emotionally and/or financially) for people to come to a wedding, that is absolutely their business and they should not attend. It isn't a jury summons, it's an invitation--so people should be free to come or not.

Then again, there are also some miracles already at work. A friend has already offered to provide a cake AND a possible honeymoon spot (thank you, MINGO!). Don't laugh, but I've already found a wedding dress and it's comfortable and beautiful and CHEAP. Given that it is only week 3, with an entire YEAR to go, it will be interesting to see where all this leads us.

In the mean time, I have appointments with my shrink lined up, an excited happiness still buzzing in my heart, and LOTS OF TIME to keep me going.

Janae

Today is the birthday of my dad’s wife and my lovely friend, Janae!

Janae grew up in a small town, raising farm animals and enjoying the benefits of being a card carrying member of the 4-H club. One of my dad’s favorite pictures of her as a kid is her standing on her family’s lawn, in a black leotard and a straw hat astride her head. This is one of the first intimate images of Janae, and there’s a part of me that still carries that image of her in my heart. It showed to me that she may be a girl with a shy smile, but she wears straw hats, which means there is a little dancer in there too.

Janae deserves a birthday tribute for just being born, yes, but specifically because she is a mother of two incredibly crazy, funny, HIGH ENERGY kids, otherwise known as, my little brother and sister. Watching her patience and her use of direct and clear communication with these kids has been AMAZING to witness. Luke, my little brother, has a physical strength, and a voice that would crumble buildings if put in the right direction. He has been known throw a tantrum that would equal the pitch of a CYCLONE. My instinct is to head for the basement, but Janae has taught him to say such miraculous things as, “I feel MAD.” When he gets upset, or my favorite, “I need to go upstairs TO MY ROOM.” To which, I have watched, with my mouth agape, as he has stomped off to his room, to BE ALONE. Janae is a GENIUS!

Janae is a highly personable person, with a wide range of friends. Her strengths are her incredible abilities to relate, to empathize, and to really care about the people in her life. When she married my dad, a reclusive artist, she couldn’t believe it when she discovered his favorite Saturday past time was to stay inside and READ. How can you read when there are so many people out there to RELATE TO and CONNECT WITH? Can I tell you now that, ten years later, one of Janae’s new found passions is READING? As of 8 months ago, she has been reading like a BANCHEE. Last time I went to visit, she stole any time she could to close herself up with her latest book. She has become, what the world calls, A BOOKWORM. To which I say, welcome aboard!

I treasure Janae’s honest interest in the world and her depth and her kindness. I also think she has the one of the best LAUGHS on the planet—a whole body, mouth wide open, laugh. It is a pleasure for US ALL when she laughs. I like to tease my dad for her benefit, and I also like to spend time talking with her, and talking about the REAL STUFF that goes on inside. I thank her for all that she has brought to me and my dad’s life—not just my brother and my sister, but her good and wise heart.

Happy Birthday!

The Reason Why I was Glad To Come Home

I am totally blown away by everyone's comments, insights, and support to the Top Monkey epiphany. WE ARE ALL OUR OWN TOP MONKEY!!! Trade your best food for pictures of YOUR OWN BUTT and YOUR OWN FACE!! Well, okay, you could also just believe in yourself.

BUT ONWARD!

I have been holding something in and I have been so excited to announce it to the world! Now, I think it is safe to reveal it:

GRAHAM AND I ARE GETTING HITCHED!!!!

I am incredibly HAPPY about it. There's no dramatic engagement story. It was rather organic and natural. About an hour before I was to leave for Omega, Graham and I were engaged in a really DEEP conversation, sharing stories from parts of our lives that were intense and sometimes emotional. Then it came to a point that I was just so overcome by how much I deeply respected and cherished this person and so I said, "You know what? I want to marry you."
And he said, "I want to marry you."
So I asked, "Will you marry me?"
and he said, "Yes, I will." Then we stood in the kitchen, and couldn't believe it. Then I had to run for the bus leaving for Omega, and THAT WAS WEIRD.

We didn't tell anybody for a few days. It burned in me like a hot tack. At lunch one day at Omega, I announced to a table of relative strangers, "I hope you don't mind me announcing this, but I just have to tell somebody: about an hour before I left to come here, I GOT ENGAGED." They were all very enthusiastic.

So you can see also, why it was good to get home. I had something very real and exciting happening at home. I had another dream that was coming true and nobody gave me permission or endowed me with their magical presence to say, KID, THIS IS IT. All I had to do, was walk in the door, drop my bags, and say, HERE I AM. Sometimes that's the best kind of magic. As Lynda Barry says, it's not supernatural. It's natural--and it sure is SUPER.

Top Monkeys, Part 2. (This Time It's Personal)

I've been thinking more on Top Monkeys (and some of you have too I think). When I got back from Omega, Graham allowed me some processing time. He asked, "Did you think that you and Lynda Barry would meet and totally become friends and then she would come back to New York and sleep on our couch?" I looked at him, eyes wide with shock, "YES!!!" Was it THAT obvious?

The experience last week rattled me. It rattled me because it challenged what I believed WOULD happen. It made me face some beliefs I have in how the world works. Through much reading about the creative life, mostly through blogs, but also in books, I've had this feeling that if I just do THIS right and if I just BELIEVE in this way, MAGICAL THINGS HAPPEN and then my life WILL CHANGE. I honestly believed that I was MEANT to meet Lynda Barry, and to somehow get BLESSED by her into MY REAL LIFE. This may sound totally stupid, but it's the truth. This is what you don't allow to happen, when you believe you are meeting something close to a DEITY: The Deity may get grumpy and FREAKED OUT. The Deity may not WANT to be a DEITY at ALL. The Deity may get ANGRY and RED FACED, which will SCARE THE HECK OUT OF YOU. The Deity may just be in the WRONG PLACE. What you go to find is the GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ, but what you find is a small human behind the curtain, working the gears. It's called REALITY, people.

I'm often jealous of people who seem to have spiritually evolved lives, who seem to have magical things happen to them all the time. I feel like everyday I check myself: am I living in the flow or am I out of the flow? Am I doing it right? NOW am I doing RIGHT? How about now?

It can be a little exhausting.

Last week made me face up to the fact that I put way too much importance on other people's processes. I always think somebody else has it all figured out, because they are so visibly AWESOME. I've read and studied on artist's lives my whole adult life. I say it inspires me, but what I am really saying is that it gives me ideas on how life should be. I'm looking at them, dead or alive asking, HOW SHOULD I BUILD MY LIFE? I'm 33, and it's about time I take some responsibility. My story isn't going to look like anyone else's. The popular kids have issues. Paris Hilton is a young woman who gets a period every month. Lynda Barry is someone who gets mad and uptight easily. But that's not what we see--we see what we want to see. I considered myself ENLIGHTENED to these facts, but it wasn't until I pined and begged and stole to be in a room with a woman I had worshipped, and found myself PINING and HOPING and WAITING for that moment to get the GREEN LIGHT to the MAGICAL WORLD that I realized how much it CONTROLLED me and my decisions.

I came back tired of begging and pleading to be seen. I wanted to go home to where I was already known and cherished. I called Graham from Omega and said, "Just tell me I'm a good person." I needed to be reminded that just because Lynda Barry didn't see me, it didn't mean that I disappeared.

And as they say, when your expectations haven't been met, you haven't broadened your scope. In a way, the experiences with Lynda Barry DID bless me into another world. It blessed me into a world, where the field is leveled, and everybody has the answer--FOR THEMSELVES.

Goodbye to Gus & Muffin Top

I am feeling a little down this morning because the last of the kittens are going to a foster home in Williamsburg this afternoon, before being adopted out. Graham and I realized that we weren't taking action in getting them adopted, because we are too attached, but if you saw the state of our apartment, you would know why we desperately need them to go to new homes. When this woman offered to foster them and find them homes, we realized it was a good option.

I've been of two hearts about these creatures from the beginning. When we gave up the first two, I was shocked by how much I grieved them going. Graham and I practically pushed the couple out the door with Milktoast and Ratso, because the tears were not far behind them. The two that are leaving us, Muffin Top and Gus have been with us longer. I find myself totally in love with them and totally going BEZERK, because our home has been taken over and there isn't a comfortable spot besides our bed. We came home last night to shredded paper, a piece of random plastic, a hankerchief scattering the floor, the garbage knocked over, and therfor their food and water knocked over under it, and our kitchen table ransacked. I had the number for the foster mom, and I made the call immediately. I made arrangements and then I sat on the floor and cried my eyes out.

I will miss Muffin Top the most. I kind of think of him as a small, white and orange Rodney Dangerfield. He's gittery and hilarious. We also have a kind of bond, that I will miss. If we weren't already keeping Kingsley, Muffin wouldn't be going anywhere. It's hard to believe that when I get home, they both will be gone. I am trying to look forward to putting the livingroom and my studio back together--oh the good times to come! It's hard saying good-bye in a final way--knowing they are going on to fates out of our control. We were there when they came into the world, just little blind blobs and now it's time to let go. Graham said last night, "We all leave mom eventually." Oh, man, I know, but does mom ever leave us?

I am sending traveling mercies to these two kittens. Be well, I will miss you so!

Top Monkeys

Well, it was quite a week. It was not at all what I expected--and what happens when your expectations are not met? A TON OF FLAILING AROUND ABOUNDS.

Omega itself is gorgeous. Actually, it reminded me of the set of Dirty Dancing. I kept expecting a New Age Patrick Swayze to jump out and say, "No one puts my chakra in a corner!" Lots of vegetarian food, lots of men in skirts, lots of hugging, and lots of LEARNING. My first lesson, upon entering the classroom: I realized that I signed up to meet someone I greatly admire, only to realize that the sole purpose of the class was to WRITE. Very different indeed. Lynda Barry was not there to MEET US, she was there to TEACH US. Therefore, she never learned our names or cared to. We were not to speak at all during classtime. We were not there to socialize. We were not even to look at people when they read out loud. Lynda didn't even look at us--instead, she stooped in front of our seat and looked at our feet. When we were done, she looked us in the eye and proclaimed: GOOD! This was to foster a place where we were all anonymous, and therefore all equal. The bad side of this, is that I was constantly confronted with the fact that I would never be known by my hero. The up side of this is that I did intensive, creative work without a jabber of the mental critic at work.

Outside of class, we were not to speak of the work at all. I have to say, that this was my favorite rule. I realized that when I left the classroom, I left the work there. I didn't think about it. I didn't mentally assess anything and I didn't worry about it. For me, Miss Hyper Mind of the Universe, this was an active miracle. Then again, I was so engaged in being FREAKED OUT by the REALITY of Lynda Barry, that I didn't have TIME to think of the writing I was doing either.

I wasn't going to write about this part, because I'm a little embarrassed by how much it affected me, but it had a HUGE impact on my week. I wonder what the class would have been like if I hadn't been obsessed with the teacher before hand. Lynda talked about how obsessed we all are with cool people, top people, celebrities, etc. She talked about how monkeys are also very obsessed with the Top monkeys. They will trade their best food for only two things: 1) pictures of monkey butts and 2) pictures of top monkeys. Lynda, for me, was THE top monkey. I desperately wanted to have SOME MOMENT with her that I could tell her how her work and example has been a lantern for me in DARK TIMES. I wanted her to at least know my name! For THE WHOLE WEEK I agonized over this--hoping EACH DAY that there would be a moment--but it wasn't to be. She was highly controlling of the atmosphere and how people engaged with her. She rarely came to meals. When the class ended, she told us to stay in our seats, while she literally RAN AWAY and HID. I can imagine that there are lots of very good reasons for this, but it was VERY painful for me. Inevitably, it changed the way I perceived her and her work. It also made me confront my own belief systems, and my way of perceiving the top monkeys of my life. It kind of leveled the field for me.

I came back to New York filled with a strange cocktail of bitter disappointment, hope, inspiration, and grief. I grieved the expectations that were not met, but I was moved and excited to continue the work I had learned there. I also met some GREAT people (hi guys!).

So this is my message from this week: SCREW TOP MONKEYS! Do what you want ANYWAY. You will never be validated by the "right" people. Your story will never be the same as anyone else's! Just KICK ASS. Be YOUR OWN Top Monkey. Man, I hope I can remember this, because it will SAVE ME SO MUCH heartache and TIME. Seriously--whatever you are looking for to live your BIGGEST DREAMS is ALREADY HAPPENING without anybody else's help. Just do it!

I was glad to be home and to apply all that I learned in the REAL and NOW.

PS I just want to say that I would ABSOLUTELY recommend this class to anyone who wants to explore: 1) memories 2) creativity as a daily practice 3) new ways of non-thinking. Some wonderful things about Lynda as a teacher are that she is incredibly intellegent and highly gifted as a lecturer. Having seen her at readings, I knew that she was a natural entertainer, and so you will laugh. For another, probably more balanced view of the class experience, you can read Anne, another class participant, and her experience here.

See You In a Week!

This is it kids! I will be off for a week of writing and writing and being in UTTER SHOCK that I am in the same room as Lynda Barry, only to go back to writing until I can eat food and take yoga and then I will be writing again.

I am SO EXCITED!!

Yippee! Zoweeeee! Hip! Hip! Hooray! In the meantime, read everybody on the right sidebar. They are cool. I was thinking of putting a section of links called "all the good ideas are taken" and have them be links of people that make me think: DANG IT! Why didn't I do that! Of course, the ones I read daily (listed here) ARE all the ones I think, why oh why was I not in on some of that??

Okay, totally random! I know! It's time for me to go!

I wish you all a good week!

Love,
Summer (the masked bunny pictured above)

The Juice

I've been having a lot of anxiety the last few days. It seems there are a lot of fires brewing--basically, I never feel like I have taken care of everything. Some of it is money worry, some of it is personal worry, some of it is just worry over worry. When I feel like I am in the red, it usually means I've forgotten to remember the very real abundance I live with every day. There's been A LOT to feel blessed by lately. Last night I wrote a list of all the things that have come my way and I was amazed at all that I've been living with.

1) an incredible trip to Canada, with little to no expenses.

2) I played a show on Monday that was personally arranged for me and Adam Kemmerer by a co-worker. It totally rocked.

3) New books:
*Ham on Rye by Charles Bukowski
*Hundreds and Thousands by Emily Carr
*Plant Dreaming Deep by May Sarton
*The MFK Fisher Reader by MFK Fisher

4) Inspired by these movies:
*Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man
*The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
*Bukowski: Born Into This

5) Inspired by these artists:
*Rufus Wainwright
*Emily Carr
*Charles Bukowski
*Margaret Cho

6) Two people brought me flowers on monday

7) New Song ideas

8) A Building chance to have more time for my art--with benefits.

9) A letter from my friend Andromeda

10) A treasure trove of treats brought home from Canada:
*Antique teapot with cups & saucers & plates
*Tons of fabric for my paintings
*Handsewn napkins
*Antique tablecloths
*A leonard Cohen Record
*A matted picture by Emily Carr

There's actually more, but you get the idea. When I get anxious, I feel so dry and cracked and UPTIGHT. It's hard to let in THE JUICE of life that I am surrounded by. It's so easy to worry, but as we all know, it doesn't help or prepare us or solve problems--it just CAUSES MORE PROBLEMS. SCREW MORE PROBLEMS! I don't know about you, but I don't need more things to worry about. I need sleep. I need nourishment. I need all the things that make life sweet.

Building a Fort

It hit me yesterday that in five days I will be spending the week in the same room with my HERO Lynda Barry. I'm off to take a writing class at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. There are a number of things to be excited about. Some of the reasons being that I'll be in a more natural setting once again, with yummy food, yoga classes, a lake to swim in with a new swimsuit. While in Canada, I braved THE MALL in Nanaimo for my first swimsuit in 6 years. Apparently, my love of water outweighed my HATRED of malls and shopping and my SELF-ESTEEM ISSUES when it comes to swimsuits. It worked. I found a carmine tankini (thank GOD for tankinis!) for only 15$! I'm hoping that the lake advertised at Omega is REAL and not some scummy kiddie pool from 1978.

Then there is, of course, the fact that not only will I get to meet Lynda Barry, but I'll get to be taught by her, and learn from her, and get to WRITE for FIVE WHOLE DAYS STRAIGHT. This is EXCITING. I've never taken an artist's retreat of sorts. I haven't even taken a writing class in SIXTEEN YEARS. I am looking forward to committing totally to one of my art forms for a selection of days. At home, and in regaular life, there is always SOMETHING ELSE TO DO. I seem to do art and creativity in fits and fistfulls. I love that I will be in an evironment that is reserved for doing NOTHING BUT nourishing this one part of me. I feel like I've built a fort around this one wish, and now I am making a packing list, checking it twice, to retreat into the blankets and books and lamplight. It's totally unknown and FANTASTIC.

One thing I'm worried about is piling too much expectations on making an impression or CONNECTING (a.k.a. WINNING THE AFFECTIONS OF) Lynda Barry. I said this to Graham the other night and he said, "You've got to remember that it's a particular kind of relationship. It's limited." It brought me down to earth a little. It reminded me that I'm not there to just bask in the glow of this great woman, but to (ahem) WRITE. There will be work to be done! There will be things to learn and experience! There will be a dream to live and that's the real point. Of course, if Lynda Barry becomes my new best friend forever, w-e-l-l I guess that would be just GRAVY. Of course, if I make any friends after the fellow Omega students see me in my new tankini, it will be a GOSH DARN MIRACLE.

Sleater-Kinney: The End

I just found out that my favorite band, Sleater-Kinney is calling it quits. I am not surprised, given that they have talked openly about the trials of staying together as a group for well over a decade. So I just want to say this:

Thank you for your great effort.

Thank you for what you have achieved and written and sang and screamed all these years. Thank you for making me feel cool. Thank you for "One More Hour," one of the all-time best songs to rock out to in your bedroom alone. Thank you for "Modern Girl"--a song I have been nearly obsessed with since my friend Kai put it on a mixed CD for me. Thank you for the entire album of Dig Me Out. Thank you Corin Tucker, for the wiliest voice on the planet; Thank you Carrie Brownstein for some of the greatest post-Clash punk rock songs EVER. Thank you Janet Weiss for being one of the best drummers I have ever had the pleasure of seeing live.

I wish you well.

Jake Pierre: The Birthday Tribute

Me and my dad collage
I am beginning to feel as if my entire family was born in a 4-month cluster. As a blog writer there are things that I have become worried about, and one of them is continually repeating myself. But birthdays are birthdays and man, nothing says SAVE ON POSTAGE like an Internet birthday card. Plus, how many funerals do you go to where things are said that you know the deceased would have PASSED OUT with LOVE and INCREDULITY if they had known how KNOWN & LOVED they were while they were alive?

To which I say: Dad, WELCOME TO YOUR BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE.

As a shy and emotional kid, growing up as a Navy brat, he loved animals and kept a virtual zoo in his bedroom. Once, while walking home from school, he spied a baby flying squirrel on the ground, and stuffed him in his pocket. Tommy became a treasured family pet, who flew from drapery to drapery, delighting guests, and annoying the BAJEEBUS out of my grandfather. My dad was also known to keep an entire tank of crickets in his bedroom, which literally CRASHED a cocktail party his parents were giving. He also cried if his father wouldn’t stop to pick up a tortoise or a snake they had just spied on the side of road.

One of my favorite things I’ve done with my dad was to go back to his grandparents’ home in Switzerland, Florida, where he used to spend summers. I liked to see the house he raced turtles at, and learned to fish, and to love the taste of marshmallow fluff. As a kid who moved around a lot, and had a shaky sense of place, this summer stop meant a lot to him. As a kid, who moved around a lot and had a shaky sense of place, I relate a lot to those few constants you have, and I can see why that place meant a lot to him. He says that he’s not a very nostalgic person, but you should see the look on his face when he describes the feeling of seeing that same jar of marshmallow fluff on his grandmother Kathleen’s kitchen table. Can you taste it, Dad?

My dad and I have had a rocky road of it—-as his life has been full of ups and downs. We fortunately have become friends a long the way. I think it’s because we share a similar sense of life. I got a lot from him—-my artistic abilities, my sense of imagination, my appreciation of art and artists, and my sense of humor. His blog very much illuminates his serious, philosophical side, but you’d never guess what a DORK and a GOOF and PUN-Master he can be. He used to do a TON of self-published cartoon books. Among his earliest was A Sowsand Bucks, which were all cartoons base around deer. The one I remember was a deer driving a car, stopped at a sign that says “The buck stops here.” Get it? A BUCK, as in a MALE DEER, stops HERE. Oh, the WIT! I told this to Graham recently, and he literally was bent over from the HILARITY.

I love that he loves chocolate and sweets and is VERY APPRECIATIVE of a good lemon meringue pie. His mother used to make them for birthdays and thanksgiving—maybe a throwback to her southern roots. When I made him one and he said, “This is better than Nana’s.” It was like getting the LEGION OF HONOR in culinary arts. I also love that he can call me and be vulnerable and tell me that he is feeling insecure in my esteem, as he did recently. That is probably one of the biggest challenges for us grown ups, is to show up when we are vulnerable. When we show up in those moments, it is a way to say that we love ourselves enough NOT to go with the machinery that tells us stories and mixes us up. My dad is strong enough to show up and say this, and I appreciate it, because I love him dearly and if he doesn’t know it, I want to know that he doesn’t know it, so not another moment can go by where he believes that he isn’t loved, appreciated, and worth something to me.



Happy Birthday!

Watching the Water Change Colors

So. Tired. It is hard to believe that 27 hours ago, Graham and I stood on the dock awaiting our sea plane, in the quiet morning. As a last goodbye, we were treated to a bald eagle swooping in front of us to grab at some bait, only to flee across the water to a visable nest. It still shocks me to think of the wingspan of that bird, and the closeness of its presence and how it was all so sudden and yet so natural. I kept it together until we were in the tiny plane, watching Pam's figure on the shore, snapping pictures. Then the inevitable grief of leaving came over me. Good-byes are hard for me. It's like a door opens in my chest, and the water pours in. I was sad to be leaving my family and I was sad to be leaving this place I felt suddenly so attached to. How can a week somewhere change your life? Travel always changes you, and this visit was no different. I watched the water beneath us shimmer and change colors as we swooped above it.

We got into our sticky, humid apartment at 1:00am. I was both excited and bereft. We went to bed and I woke up once totally confused to where I was, and then never got back to sleep entirely. The quiet we had steeped ourselves in for the last week was replaced by the engine of the air conditioner and the sound of traffic. We had seen a fist fight in the cab home, as we enetered our neighborhood. We are back home, but it is all so confusing.

This morning, I came into work, reading Emily Carr's journals, dizzy with lack of sleep, and the confusion of reading about where we had just been, while sitting in where I was--a crowded, loud subway car. When I rushed to get the 6 train, two men held the door open for me. I smiled at them and thanked them and they returned it was a firm nod. New York's way of saying HAVE A NICE DAY. It helped.

There is something about Canada that just makes sense. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it makes a lot of sense to me. I am almost jealous of you Canadians--there is a nationality that I could comprehend. Canada isn't perfect, of course. They've got their own politics, their own complaints, I am sure. To me, it just felt RIGHT and GOOD and I miss it today. I can see why Pam & Gary moved there. I can see why I will return there again and again.

We Came...

We ate.



We hiked.




We gardened.



We ate some more.



We loved.



We marveled.



We ate again.



It's our last day here and I am so sad to leave, I don't want to miss a single moment of it. Josh & Heather, my brother and sister-in-law, came on Saturday, and it's been another couple of days of eating, exploring, and just plain enjoying ourselves. Tomorrow morning, Graham and I have to catch a puddle jumper plane that will get us over to Vancouver. It's hard to believe that 36 hours from now, we'll be back in the cement, humid jungle that is New York City. It's hard to believe anything like that even exists when you are so far away, and can see only blue and green and green again.

Like any good vacation, I am coming back tan, 20 lbs heavier, my journal filled with drawings and writings, and my senses REFRESHED. This trip has taken me by surprise, and filled my cup. I am so glad to know that this is now a place that I will return to--our new family hub. Life and its unknown places amazes me, once again.

See you in New York!

Happy Canada Day!

Can't write. Too much fun. Except to say that this is me LIVING THE DREAM, drinking lemonade at Emily Carr's childhood home in Victoria. Emily Carr is one of my favorite painters--a woman who DARED, a woman who picked up the brush after leaving it to collect dust for TWENTY YEARS. A woman who reminds me that the only moment that it is TOO LATE is when you are in the grave. Her biggest "successes" were late in her life. Her true success? Coming back to painting at all and going on to write. Her example is an inspiration, and her art is a revelation!

What you can't see behind me is the grape vine, Isabella, that her father planted and loved his whole life, and which still grows with leaves the size of my hands, and curly vines. What you can't know is the utter delight I get in "visiting" artists I love. When we were standing in the gift shop, a 93 year old woman came in with her grandson, who turned out to have cared for Emily late in her life. What a surprise treat it was to talk with her, to get the human side of the legend.

The grass and my journal call...Happy Canada Day!

PS! Happiest of Birthdays to my friend Boreas, who packed his life up and moved to Hawaii and decided to venture out into the uncharted territories of BLOGGING!