Bridentity Crisis
This weekend my mother said to me, "I hope you don't become a BRIDEZILLA on me." When I asked her what that looked like she told me of the CAUTIONARY TALE of her best friend, Fern, becoming a Bridezilla. My mom was setting up the tables and chairs at Fern's wedding and Fern came in and said, "Bee! Don't be moving those tables and chairs with your bad back!" Then (are you READY?) she left the room. I was waiting for some sort of CAT FIGHT or TEARS at least, but it turns out all you have to be to be a NIGHTMARE IN A VEIL is to say "Don't do that."
I am SCREWED, people.
I am having, what Ariel coined, a Bridentity Crisis except it's the exact opposite of what she termed it be. I don't have a problem with people only considering me as a bride, and not an individual. I feel like I am getting messages of "We're so EXCITED for you, but don't you DARE get excited about it too! It's just NOT THAT COOL."
Why am I ashamed to say that I can't wait to to look pretty, to eat good cake, and then spend my life with a guy that kicks so much ass it should be illegal? Why am I ashamed for having opinions about our wedding at all?
Part of this is that Graham is not excited about a wedding. For good reason too--it requires money or favors or both. It also requires logistical planning, something he LOATHES with every fiber of his being. He also hates being the center of attention. Something (cough) that I don't have as much of a problem with. So, it's been a dance to even discuss the planning at all.
Another part of it is that for some of my family it's hard celebrating other people. Don't be too happy! It will just make you seem SHALLOW and a FREAK.
Then there's just plain old me. I worry that my excitement of having a wedding and wanting to get married makes me less independent and individualistic. Yet, it's true, I LIKE planning a big old party where I'll get to see people I love, and dance to Al Green and Tom Waits, and (yes) wear a pretty dress, and eat the best chocolate cake in the whole world. I worry that even wanting to get married is not hip. I may not be taking his name, but I do want to wear Graham's ring. Is that SO WRONG?
I just wish I felt more COMFORTABLE in the role. I want to run with it, freely, not like I've been doing, with my head ducked, so no one can see the secret white lace trailing from my head. I want to let my freaky bride flag fly. I want to get married and I want to have fun doing it. After all, it's a FRIGGN' LEAP OF FAITH, and we should have PARTIES for ALL our leaps of faith! They are brave acts! So why do I still feel guilty?
Labels: wedding
posted by Summer Pierre at
12:46 PM
5 Comments:
WHOA! Calm down bridezilla. If you can stop being such a shallow, self-obsessed freakshow for two seconds, we could talk about this.
As the product of unshaven, anti-establishment hippies, the only acceptable way for you to behave is to to dourly sulk your way resentfully through this patriarchal bullshit tradition that is being thrust upon you by the misogynist paradigm, because that's what good hippies do. And please remember that it's wrong to feel happy if other people feel sad, you are responsible for the emotional well-being of everyone in your family, and you can eat that cake, but only if you feel really really bad about it. NO EXCEPTIONS. DON"T YOU FORGET IT!
Unless you are just really, really in love with your honey and want to proclaim it from the rooftops in the biggest, funnest way possible with pretty things and all your freinds and some yummy treats. Then maybe you are allowed to have a tiny bit of fun. For a second.
Judy, can I, um, marry you instead?
summer, my wedding was 7 years ago and I really can't remeber a lot of the planning, and there were LOTS of planning, we had about 300 people!!! 300!! (and yes, I knew all of them) what I do remeber is the smile on R. while he was saying the vows, how nervous I was, and also how I thought it was the coolest party ever because I knew everybody there! there was my family and my friends all in the same place. It was such a happy 5 hours, it seemed it lasted a minute. don't worry what others say, it's your party (and Graham, of course) so do whatever you want to do and have fun! my only advice: don't forget to get a good photographer
O.k., maybe this is evidence that I should not look at some people's blog postings, because now you've made me wonder what it would be LIKE to marry someone who "kicks so much ass that it should be illegal." I do think my husband is an awesome person, but I don't think he kicks THAT much ass. (Or should I say, "kicks that degree of ass"? A little hard to phrase, that). Maybe a woman can only feel this way about her mate if she HERSELF kicks so much ass that it should be illegal -- even if she herself is humble and does not realize how much butt she is kicking -- or does not like to toot her own horn, as it were.
" ... we should have PARTIES for ALL our leaps of faith!"
Yes, yes, YES!
JUMP Summer, JUMP. And toot horns and toss confetti and eat yummy food and wear a fun party dress and dance delightly as you celebrate you and graham and the divine luck and love that got you together. And when you ask your friends to celebrate and play along, I wonder: what's to feel guilty about THAT?
Post a Comment
<< Home