The Wedding Down Load

photo by Sara Braun

I think long engagements are dumb. I'm not kidding. We were engaged just over a year before we got married, and as we approached the wedding date this thought came to me over and over. There are ENOUGH expectations and loaded feelings enough as it is--why give them a YEAR of time to FESTER and COOK? I would say to anyone who is engaged right now (and there are a couple of you out there) GET MARRIED NOW. As soon as you get engaged, send out a SAVE THE DATE card and then get to work. You will STILL have loaded feelings and expectations and a looming sense of anticipation, BUT it will be a SHORTER time period to bear these things.

Of course, the other thing I would say is that no matter how much advice, warnings, pep talks from experienced people, NONE OF IT really PREPARES you for your own experience of it all. My mind was ready. The feelings thought they knew what was coming. They didn't. It was A LOT and A LOT MORE VARIED than I anticipated.

I didn't know how much childhood crap would come up for me personally or how daunted I would get by all the constant attention (this one was SHOCKING to me). I also didn't know how the actual event would be SO NORMAL and REAL LIFE-LIKE. Somehow in the planning stages everything takes on EPIC PROPORTIONS, but then when it happens it's well, YOU. I was so nervous walking up the isle with my dad, but then I heard the song I chose, which was Cat Steven's "If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out" and everybody stood up and CHEERED and Graham did a punk rock salute, with his finger in the air, and I laughed and cheered too. I suddenly GOT IT. These are OUR PEOPLE and it's ME and GRAHAM and how FRIGGN' GREAT IS THAT?

The cermony was done by our good friend Paul, who we just adore and who did a fantastic job, even bringing the house down with such corny jokes as in "Now Summer finally has snagged her Grahammy." (Get it? I'm a musician and he's a grammy.) We got to say our own vows and Graham KILLED me with his and everybody was BAWLING and I was trying really hard not to go into the UGLY CRY. Then Paul prounounced us "Mr. & Mrs. Graham & Summer." Which totally sums it all up.

There were a lot of crazy things that went wrong in the days leading up to it, like the county clerk calling us and saying "I made a mistake on your wedding license!" and a phone call from my dear friend Ming in Montana, who was responsible for the cake and couldn't make it because her husband had become very very ill. Oh, and then there was my mom. My mom who was mad at everybody, especially me, and who was threatening to pass out Groucho Marx glasses at the ceremony, whether I wanted her to or not. But all these things were taken care of. We got a new marriage license. The cake arrived and was set up (beautifully, I might add), and my mom passed out the Groucho Marx glasses at the reception, and by that time, I didn't care and it was funny to see everybody playing kazoos and wearing the glasses. (can you see why I am BEGGING for pictures?).

At big life events, shit happens, but so does grace. I've seen it time and time again and I saw it at my own wedding.

One of my favorite moments: I wore a gardenia in my hair for my grandmother, because she had a HUGE gardenia bush and it was her favorite flower and the smell reminds me so much of my childhood summers at my grandparents house. When my cousin Jessica surprised me by showing up I was OVERJOYED. I hadn't seen her in ten years and it meant so much to me that she had come. When she pulled me aside and said, "I saw that gardenia and I knew exactly what that represented." and she showed me the tattoo she had of a gardenia, I just started BAWLING and that was a moment I will never forget.

Or our friends Richard and Paul surprising us at the end of the toasts by singing their own rendition of "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" by the Beatles, and the entire room singing the chorus.

And just the love. Seeing so many friends and family from all over the place (both historically and geographically) joined in one happy crowd with flowers and markers and Groucho Marx glasses and kazoos and mugs. It was insane and so so so great. I've never felt so crazy, so happy, so sad, so loved, so known as I did that day. I am still reeling from it.