Big Red

I am posting this picture because this is what I WANT to happen in our home--I want Kingsley to go back to his careless RELAXED state that he normally inhabits 24/7. We are in the midst of what Graham and I have come to call THE TOTALLY HORRIBLE CAT EXPERIENCE.

About a year ago Kingsley was sniffing around a plastic shopping bag I had left on the floor and he got it caught around his neck and proceeded to RUN AT FULL SPEED around the apartment trying OUTRUN the scary, crinkly LOUD white creature that hung to his BACK. When he made a mad dash under the bed, the bag caught and broke its grip. He spent an hour under the bed contemplating the questions of such a universe that would create such a LOUD and FREAKY CREATURE.

About 6 months ago, I pulled out yet another random plastic bag filled with mixed tapes from a box and left it out about a half hour too long, when Mama Kitty got it caught around HER neck and proceeded to try to outrun the crinkly crazed beast. She was a little traumatized, but Kingsley was having FLASHBACKS to his own experience. He suddenly saw Mama as the beast and for 2 days he tried to ATTACK her howling furiously. He went from the dandy lion we all know and love to a personality we have come to call as BIG RED. I didn't know our kitty could get SO HUGE and FEROCIOUS.

Cut to this morning. Now, before you say anything about me and plastic bags, I want to tell you that we are VERY CAUTIOUS about the plastic bags. We've almost ERADICATED them from our home ENTIRELY. They are not only evil to THE environment, they are evil to our own HOME environment. The ones we have left are kept under LOCK AND KEY. Well, not really, but in a CABINET far away from kitty paws. There were no plastic bags IN SIGHT. Graham was cleaning in the living room, and I was in the bedroom trying to hang some art. I went to go get my small metal box of nails and tacks, and when I returned to the bedroom my kimono sleeve caught on the door knob yanking me back with the nails in the metal box. Apparently the sound of the nails in the metal box mixed with the suddenness of my movement has RE-TRIGGERED BIG RED. Kingsley got HUGE and proceeded to attack Mama Kitty as if she were THE WHITE DEVIL.

Here's the real issue. In about 2 hours we have a house guest arriving for 2 days. It's hard enough having a house guest due to the smallness of our space and the cats SENSITIVITY to change and people. Now we not only have our friend, but we have BIG RED staying with us and that means we have to keep the two cats separated for at least a day, probably two, until Big Red calms down and Kingsley regains his footing and REMEMBERS who and where he is.

I cannot adequately explain how royally this SUCKS. I want our home back! I want Big Red to go back where he came from. It ain't intestinal flu, but it still feels like we're all shitting ourselves.