Good Thoughts

I wrote recently about a friend of mine who is living to the edges with brain cancer. I wish I could say he is the only one I know who is struggling with this particular disease. Today another very dear friend is going into his second surgery for brain cancer. He is also young, at 37, and since the news of his recurrence 3 weeks ago, I have gone in and out of connecting and disconnecting from the anger and despair and just fear this can evoke, not to mention the feeling of helplessness. His wife, a friend I have known longer than not, is facing it as bravely as she can, but the fact is, it is overwhelming and staggering.

So often I think there is always something to be done to help, to move forward, to plow on, even in the face of great difficulty. I felt this part of me buckle and quake when I was on the phone with her this weekend. I asked about logistics and safe guards and told her funny stories to hear her laugh, but the truth is this is so large and out of anybody's hands to really SAVE them from this terrifying experience. The usual modes of coping seem like a game of tic tac toe in the face of the SUPER BOWL of difficult experience. Still, when that's all you have, you try anyway.

There is a lot I don't write about here--and I don't know if it's a combination of life getting larger as I get older and the desire to chose between what is mine and what I want to offer to those here--but I have been increasingly private about very large items in life. Still, I felt compelled to write about this today because if you're reading this--whoever you are, whether I know you or not--your thoughts have power. Somewhere in San Francisco two people could really use your good thoughts. I am holding my friends in my heart today. I am believing in miracles. My faith could sure use some company--won't you join me?