Montauk

Graham and I escaped to the beauty of Long Island this weekend. This was quite an adventure for us for a number of reasons. The main reason is that we don't take vacations. Our honeymoon was the first time going some place that didn't have to do with anybody, but ourselves. We take frequent trips to visit people, but we had never gone anywhere that we didn't know anyone. So we decided to try it out and it was like a new and funny experience, fluctuating between absolute bliss and anxious feelings of aimlessness.

It felt like HEAVEN to wake up and see an ocean and be in town that was virtually empty by New York standards. We went on a lot of walks. We skipped stones. We ate a lot of crap. When it rained, we watched a lot of cable TV (a real exotic thing for us). We drank coffee out on our deck and looked out at the rollicking Atlantic. We got sunburned. We pet a number of sweet dogs. We talked to locals who were happy and ready to get the summer season kicked off. We ate in the diner where they filmed a scene in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I don't recommend it, though. A diner that can make INEDIBLE hash browns is no diner at all.

My camera croaked on my trip to Coronado a few weeks ago and I don't have the financial room to buy a new one right away. I felt like I was going through picture taking withdrawals the entire trip. As someone who tends to record record record and process process process, the no picture taking went against my grain. I couldn't help but think this was a good thing to go through. I realized how much this tendency to record and process a moment stops me from being in the moment. I know, it's an obvious observation, but it was HARD for me to be in the moment. So I collected shells and stones. I gathered. Then I realized that this was stopping me from looking UP and OUT at the enormous sky and the ocean--a view I often crave in the shoulder to shoulder atmosphere of New York. This struggle went on and on the first day on the beach--then I just gave it up and sat down and closed my eyes and listened to the ocean.

This trip made me realize a couple of things: I really frickn' need to take more breaks. Anxious DOING has been my mode more and more. Relentless art making and creating and processing and planning need days off too. I have a page in my 'zine about taking days off from both your creative work and your job, but I had been forgetting this in the face of GETTING STUFF DONE. Even the DREAM FACTORY needs to shut its doors for the night and grab a beer. I think those things will get done faster if I rest and take breaks and sometimes (gasp!) do nothing, but close my eyes and listen.