The Artist In the Office Interview: Felicia Sullivan

So many times we create a fantastical ideal around what it would be like to write a book--how you need SPACE and TIME and the PERFECT setting to write our great masterpieces. In fact, most writers, especially nowadays, create that space and time among the same everyday lives we ourselves lead: the busy, frantic, working kind. Felicia Sullivan has accomplished what so many of us dream of doing--she just published her first (of many to come) books. Her riveting and beautiful memoir The Sky Isn't Visible from Here, was released in February by Algonquin Books. I sat down with Felicia (in the e-mail sense) and asked her about the very REAL process of writing her book:

Can you tell our reading audience just what your life looked like when you began writing The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here? Were you working full-time and doing anything else in your life at the time?

For years I was an evangelist of the maxim: If there is a spare moment in the day, fill it with a project worth doing – a project that inspires, challenges and makes you feel that the world is a great place, worthy of your work. When I embarked on this journey four years ago–committing my memories, my painful childhood lived with my mother–I was the curator of a reading series, a publisher and editor of a literary journal, a writer of short stories, a project manager for a multi-media company, a baker of a mean blueberry crumble, and host to a succession of parties whose sole goal was to bring smart, creative women together.

Suffice it to say, I had a lot on my proverbial plate. I was stockpiling activities. I owned and updated multiple day planners. Making time in frenetic schedule for my most significant project yet was paramount, so I took a step back, examined my life and did some retooling.

How did you find time to write?

I was the queen of on-the-clock writing. I had it down to a science. Luckily I don’t mind waking at the crack of dawn and heading into the quiet office. The hum of the air conditioner, a hot cup of coffee and those few precious hours of solitude resembled something like church – I was able to write for two hours in unmitigated peace. On the weekends, I mapped out my projects for the week, kept a very detailed to-do list and tried to compartmentalize as many tasks as I could, and complete tasks in off-hours. In essence, don’t marry yourself to the 9-to-5 work schedule. Adjust, plan ahead, try to find the pockets of time that work best for you, and if you’re in a position – delegate.

Writing on the clock, how did you manage job work vs. creative work? Are there any pitfalls to writing while on the job? Any perks?

I’m not going to lie and say that working on the clock will work for everyone, but if you’re committed to your project and you’re able to effectively organize your day to allow for those precious moments of artistic creation – do it. If you took the same energy to lose those five pounds or forgo the pricey designer latte, then making time for your work is a cinch.

The workplace offers a slew of terrific office supplies including the crucial laser printer, and most importantly, it guarantees consistent income and health benefits. You can’t beat that with a bat!

Pitfalls – the nosy colleagues which can be struck down by closing your door or mouthing “I’m on an important call” (equip yourself with a headset and mime importance), the constant barrage of emails (realize that not everything demands your immediate attention) and the work!

At your reading in New York, you admitted, with your former boss in the audience, that you wrote a good deal of your book at work. What was his reaction?

He took it all in stride! But it was critical that I still excelled at work. That is the key – once your performance starts slipping, people start noticing the extracurricular projects and the reams of paper that mysteriously disappeared. Be smart. Do your job, do it well, but use the workplace to your advantage. While I was writing my memoir on the job, I received two promotions and many accolades from senior management.

I know you work in an office now. Sometimes the office life can be uninspiring. Are there things you have or do that make your office life more personally engaging or inspired or even comfortable?

I’ve banned fluorescent lights from my office in favor of mood-setting lamps. I collect odd stuffed animals. I play Radiohead. Naturally, the president of my company is my office neighbor and we routinely commend one another on our choice playlist.

The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here is a deeply personal work, that no doubt wasn’t an easy book to write—emotionally or artistically. Were there moments you just didn’t feel like working on this book and if so, what were some of the things that got you in the mode to be able to get it done?

Absolutely. However, I had to consistently think of the big picture: Why was I writing this book? What did I want to achieve? Why did I want people to read it? What would be the result of releasing my heart – a great piece of me into the world? Realizing that telling my story would give me a profound sense of closure by having a conversation with my mother, one I might never have, telling her about the woman I’ve become as the result of her parenting, and also letting people know that they are not alone. That it is not abnormal to have a painful relationship with a parent and then decide to make the difficult decision to let them go. That they can rise triumphant from their adversity (no matter how significant).

Once I repeated all of these mantras to myself could I keep going.

Before writing this book, did you have any ideas of what writing a book would be like, and if so, what were they? How have they changed since you have finished this book?

No, not really. I knew it would be hard work and it was. But perhaps I underestimated the degree of difficulty.

What advice would you give people who want to write a book, but are not sure where to begin?

Find your subject and bury your head in it. Don’t listen to the industry; don’t write what the world tells you to write. Write what you love and don’t compromise your integrity.

A note to the readers: I have an extra copy of Felicia's book and will give it away to a lucky person who comments here. Place your comments and I will pick a name on Friday.

Artist In The Office Interview Is Coming!

I am so excited to tell you folks that I am embarking on something I hope to do now and again--The Artist In the Office Interview. Most of you know, I am a little interested in the real lives of working artists and how we all manage the DAY JOB vs. OUR CREATIVE LIFE. This week I will be posting an interview with Felicia Sullivan, published writer, pound cake lover, reading series creator, literary journal founder, and yes, full-time worker on the very REAL life of writing and publishing a book! Stay tuned!

Instructions Needed

My friend Josh introduced me to a site that is SO UP MY ALLEY, I thought I would faint. You all probably know it, but I didn't. It's called Wiki How--and it's basically a site of instructions on how to make ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

What do you want to know how to do?
French Braid?
Become Accepted By Your Peers?
Tell When your Goldfish has come of age?
or how about knowing when you've met a BAD EGG?

Basically, it's a nerd's paradise. Well, THIS nerd's paradise. It seems to me an illustrator's treasure trove. Need an idea? Just randomly select an article and you've got a whole set of options! I mean, I haven't TRIED to make glue from the milk in my refrigerator, but I sure enjoyed DRAWING it. I will try though. I actually just ran out of Elmer's glue, but I just happen to have some milk--so maybe the weekend won't be a BUST after all.

Oh, and for you photographers out there--they are looking for photo help.

I think instructions and trivia are some of the best things out there. It's the Mrs. Dash of life! I would like to challenge the 3 or 4 readers still out there to photograph and/or draw some instructions this weekend and then link 'em in here, baby. I am NOT kidding. You can either go to Wiki How or make up your own instructions for something that only YOU know how to do. DO IT, people. I dare you.

The Early Years: High School

Back in 1987-88 I believed I was going to be comic book artist of the highest order. I was obsessed with Tintin, vintage Archie comics, and Love and Rockets. I really REALLY wanted to be Jaime Hernandez, but my attempts at "graphic novels" were short lived because I thought the process of creating a comic book page was TEDIOUSLY SLOW. Then I discover Maxine by Marion Henley and EVERYTHING CHANGED. It was simple and funny and to the point. I loved that she called her book "A Cartoon Novel." I wanted to create a cartoon novel, and what better muse than the love life (or something like it) of my best friend, Meg. And so was born Meg Meets Mr. Right: a cartoon novel.



Back in those days we spent many a day analyzing the plot lines of Days of Our Lives and discussing various boy dynamics. She had a crush on a boy who literally had NO IDEA that she existed. I don't mean that they were in different social classes. I mean, he didn't KNOW her at ALL. I think that was the appeal. That, and he looked like he had walked out of one of her own drawings. He had black hair that he slicked back. Crushes in high school can range from the attainable to the far distant idea of attainable. "JB" had no idea the life that surrounded him, the discussions at length as to what he did or didn't do as he was spotted crossing the parking lot at lunch time. I used it all for my exciting and lengthy cartoon novel, which was definitely a CARTOON of the whole thing. It was based LOOSELY on fact. As they tell young writers, I wrote what I KNEW, which was teenage girl angst mixed with the ridiculous.

With the success of Meg Meets Mr. Right (five star rave reviews from the only two readers, Meg and myself), there just HAD to be a follow up.

Meg and The Triangle of Love was NOT ONLY not on binder paper, but it was longer and EXPANDED in scope. It featured more of our REAL LIFE FRIENDS AND FAMILY! This time when Meg had a crush on not one, but TWO boys, who might possibly like her back (oh the possibilities!).

It was also based on a real situation, but completely EXAGGERATED. In the book I had Meg go to Pajaro Dunes (a beach town on the central coast of California) to GET AWAY FROM IT ALL, when in fact she had gone there as part of her Catholic Confirmation retreat. I mean, that is CREATIVE FICTION, people! What GENIUS!

The fact that I didn't get my ass kicked by ANY of the people involved remains a miracle. I am BLOWN AWAY by the blind smugness I held in creating such a document. I would NEVER dare to be SO CAVALIER with the love lives of my friends now, but it was a different world I lived in then. It was a world where the most fascinating things to me were boys, clothes, comic books and my best friend. And in it's own way, it was a big love letter to her. Just as the book says:

And I was one of them (pictured on the far right).

The Assignment

I had one of those bursts of creative energy this weekend that makes you feel like the world not only somehow works, but is a beautiful place.

Graham and I did small creative acts together, like make a bird feeder out of a milk carton and hang it in the tree outside our fire escape. We also made the video below together. I am usually such a solitary creator that something about us doing stuff together really WOKE me up. It was a new way to play together. We have plans to make other stuff and I can’t wait for more creative adventures with him.

I took the train to my friend Adrienne’s family home, and we made home made pizza in her father’s outside pizza oven. Her uncle made mozzarella and we cut it up and when the steaming pizza was delivered, I couldn’t believe how FRESH it all tasted. So DELICIOUS.

I also went on a field trip to one of my favorite spots in New York—Murray’s cheese counter at the Grand Central Market. I got to sample many cheeses and grill the guys behind the counter about their knowledge of all things cheese. It turns out they take classes to learn all this stuff and they are thinking of developing a farm cheese tour, where they offer tours at the local farms the create some of their cheeses. So cool and fun.

I went and saw the movie Be Kind Rewind and it BLEW MY MIND. I was reluctant to see this movie because I’m mixed on Michel Gondry’s other movies. While I LOVED Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I HATED Science of Sleep. I went into this film with low expectations and came out completely REELING with inspiration and joy. Not only is it HILARIOUS, but in its own quiet way, I found it deeply profound. It seems to me a movie of not only creating and making things, but about community, and a sense of play. Like most movies that I love, it isn’t for everyone, but it hit me in just the right way at the right moment. It spoke to things I was already thinking about and I felt totally inspired and encouraged by it. More and more I am drawn to ways to create in the “real world”—outside of my studio (or outside of my own mind). Every time I make things real and let them go out into the real world, I feel like I am free to do anything and everything I want. This movie was like that too. I was reminded immediately of the quote by Miranda July and Harrell Fletcher:

The best art and writing is almost like an assignment; it is so vibrant that you feel compelled to make something in response. Suddenly it is clear what you have to do. For a brief moment it seems wonderfully easy to live and love and create breathtaking things.

Be Kind Rewind felt like an assignment to me and I walked out of the theater ready to act.

Ideas

even if they are crooked:

Commute Away!

Things feel like they are thawing out here in Accident of Hope Land. I've been mired down by some stress the last couple of months--both mine and Graham's and some other people's. I hadn't realized until I went away this weekend how MUCH it had been SINKING my spirits, my sense of openness and all that. I started shaking up my commute again by walking either home or to work and by taking a different train. The train taking business was great until Tuesday when I wasn't paying attention and got on the WRONG train and ended up in QUEENS (smart girl).

Sometimes just a small change can help break up the routine. Play subway bingo. Walk to work. Make a list of all the things you see that delight you. I made a mix of all my favorite songs --the ones I can listen to again and again. This morning when I walked up the East River, it was like listening to the BEST radio station EVER. Without meaning to, my mind would gasp: "Oh, I LOVE THIS SONG," forgetting that I had MADE IT that way. It was a good reminder that life can be like that. It can be like the best radio station ever. It can make you pick up the pace and grin.

Skinny Girls Have No Problems and Other F#@&ed Up Observations By Yours Truly

Weight and appearance has been on my mind lately. Lately, as in the last 25 years. I realized recently that I hold a secret belief that skinny girls have no problems--or at least that their problems are visually more attractive than mine. As I write this down, I can see the (ahem) FLAW in this logic, but it's true. I look at all the women I admire or like --the musicians, the artists, the writers (even the BLOGGERS) and they are predominantly STICKS. What GIVES?

I came into my own as a woman in the P.C. 90's, which was all about AWARENESS. I found my feminist voice when I heard Liz Phair, PJ Harvey, and Babes in Toyland for the first time. They weren't the GODDESS power I had been exposed to since I entered college in 1990, they were Grrrrrrl POWER. I didn't want to be like them, because I already felt I WAS them. While Harvey, Phair, and The Babes (and Bikini Kill and Sleater-Kinney, etc. etc.) all screamed about the female experience--they were STILL all skinny. As a result, I still felt that skinny meant power, because as far as I could tell, the packages hadn't changed, even if the messages had. To this day, I keep looking for the women who will represent something different, but even Margaret Cho has become skinny. I want Missy Elliott to go back to how she looked--she got thin and got weird looking.

The first time I realized I was "bigger" was in the seventh grade when we had a go-cart race and my teammates suggested that I push, because I was well, BIGGER than them. When I say "suggest" I am really saying SHAMING ME INTO MUTE SUBMISSION. I look back at the pictures of me then and I think WTF?? I wasn't!

Yet, that pretty much sums up every issue I've ever had. I think something about myself, it stops me from being the metaphorical driver in the metaphorical go-cart race, and then years later I realize with incredulity that the picture wasn't ACCURATE. Still, old habits die hard, and even worse IDEAS about oneself die even HARDER.

I'll admit it, I get mad at women who are literally PETITE and who complain about their big asses and joke about how they need "curvy" jeans. I want to say, honey, if you're curvy, then I must be JOHN CANDY to you. And the reality is, I am not John Candy. I'm not even Anna Nicole Smith before the horrible diet drink. I AM curvy. I am also healthy--so why do I feel at times SO NUTS?

I was in Vermont this weekend, and while the food worry came over me, I felt a little bit more relaxed bout it. Unlike in New York, where the young white women resemble knives in hipster clothing, I didn't walk into the world thinking I had to prove anything with my presence. Like other moments of serenity, I could see clearly how completely coo coo I've been about this--especially lately. If I really LISTEN to the women, who I see as TEENY TINY, complain about their sizes, they are speaking the same language as me. They aren't looking at me--they are only looking inward, to the distorted mirror they built long ago, just as I did. They are relinquishing the right to be the driver of their own metaphorical go-cart in their own metaphorical go-cart race. There are plenty of things I've learned since turning 30 that have been like a great big WAFT of relief to learn, but this one seems to be taking its sweet time.

The Love Birds

Yesterday I sat with Diane's computer combing over all her bookmarks only to discover that my blog had been demoted from her "Daily Checks" list to her "Weekly Checks" list. When I crowed my unhappy surprise she said, "Well, what do you expect--how many times DO YOU post?" I muttered something about how it wasn't the QUANTITY, but the QUALITY, but let's face it, she HAD A POINT. DANG! So last night I vowed to make it back to her Daily Checks list--if even for a week. She said, "Yeah, well I'll believe it when I see it."

Now I am here at the co-op in town, sitting with Diane, as she blogs, wondering WHAT THE HECK I am going to write about. I used to have this feeling about the blog that there wasn't ANYTHING I couldn't or wouldn't post about. Like so much else, the relationship changes, and it's no longer a HOT AFFAIR, but a sort of daily business that I have to muster up some sort of inspiration for. It's funny to talk to my friend about the business of blogging. Diane is in the hot throws of the NEW LOVE AFFAIR. She has found not only her niche, but her on-line community, and the excitement of CHECKING IN and hobnobbing. I feel like a granny looking at the youngn' in love and I want to say, "Oh you love bird, GET A ROOM."

The best thing about blogging is that you fall a little in love with your life. Or you notice it and comb through the dailiness of it with affection and sometimes even wonder. This is a funny and unlikely gift that the world of technology has brought forth. I keep a journal and that too helps me pay attention--but the blog is a little more visual, a little more CAPTURED. I have three years of my life here (for better or worse) and the least I can say is that I PAID ATTENTION.

This morning I got to come with Diane on her weekly getaway to the co-op for coffee and blogging. The kids were left with Lucian, and we trekked along the snowy road. It was quiet and beautiful. Then when we got here, the cafe was empty, and we set up shop. She brought out her books, her business, and her laptop. I brought out my journal, my books, and my laptop. This is a real luxury for me coming from New York, where one is lucky to find a table, much less quiet and space. As a full-time mother, partner, and burgeoning business builder, I can only imagine that the same scenario applies to her. So we sit in silence, the clickety clack of the keyboards and gather the space to notice, to write things down, and to feel the love for the littlest parts of our lives.

It Gets Desperate

Yesterday I got on a train for Vermont--a ride that is scheduled to take 8.5 hours, but usually takes 9.5. Four minutes from a stop in Clairmont, New Hampshire we stopped suddenly and were there for over three hours. Why? Our train had hit and killed someone.

I would complain about the delay, but it's kind of SMALL POTATOES compared to the issues that the crew was facing, not to mention the family of the man who was struck. Regardless, I had already blown through working on a short story, reading, writing in my journal, a movie, and talking on the phone with my dad about his own youthful adventures on trains until my phone had died. I was in relatively okay spirits, but I was getting A BIT DESPERATE for entertainment. For the first time I went through ALL the affects of the photobooth on my mac. It didn't take long. Then I watched a slide show I made from all these old pictures I had scanned in and put them to a Bob Dylan song. I was ABOUT to make a slide show of the photobooth pictures, and add a soundtrack by Sleater-Kinney when we started moving.

I got into Montpelier via a bus at 12:30am--THIRTEEN HOURS after I had left New York. Considering the night everybody else involved was having, I'd say it was a pretty good trip for me.

Break Ups & Breakthroughs

The above illustration is one I did for Skirt's February "love" issue. I decided to do something for those people out there that are having some struggle in their relationships and that maybe a season of Valentines just wasn't what they needed. I thankfully am past the phase of breaking up, and man, I have had a FEW, but it was fun to put down all the things that I remember doing. Some of my breakthroughs really happened when I went through break ups.

I just sent in my monthly illustration to Skirt! for April issue. I can't tell you what it's about because well, that is the whole fun of a new issue. I will tell you that it was a little bit of a breakthrough for me. Their theme for April really had me STUMPED. How and the heck I could do a fun little "How-to" illustration on this theme was BEYOND me. In the 11th hour, when I was about to go with an idea I didn't really like, the miracle note slipped in through the mailbox slot of my mind. It was a little different, but maybe I could make it work--and it did.

I am amazed and dazzled by this phenomenon. Some have been better than others, but it feels like a mysterious door opens and a little spark goes off. I felt nervous and good about this illustration and it was received well, which just tells me to go towards that little light in the distance. It will come.

If They Can Do It Why Can't We?

Jenny Jane

Yesterday was my beautiful mother-in-law, Jenny Jane's birthday and I had actually been planning on doing a BIRTHDAY TRIBUTE (trademark pending), but I TOTALLY FORGOT and now I am a bad daughter-in-law, which is not as bad as a bad son who also FORGOT (I am not naming names), so hopefully she will forgive us both after I sing her praises in public.

The first time I met Jenny was before Graham and I were even a couple. I went into the bookstore where Graham was working and he said, "You won't believe it, but my mom is here." I almost LEAPT up and down, because when you have it bad for someone, you want to know every BIT of where they come from. Moms are a good place to start and man, I didn't even know the HALF OF IT. The three of us ended up going to see a movie together, and I was immediately struck by how WARM and FUN Jenny could be. When you have it bad for someone you can also be TOTALLY INTIMIDATED by the idea of spending an evening with their parent, but Jenny has a knack for making you feel good and welcome and interesting.

I always like to go visit Graham's parents because usually it's a visit of warm sun, lots of chocolate chip cookies, and lots of good talking. Jenny and John were the first of my parents generation that openly discussed their conservatism to me. It was a SHOCK to this little product of flower children that anyone had actually voted for Nixon--TWICE. I couldn't stop saying it over and over again--they voted for Nixon! They voted for Nixon! Also, I don't think I had ever met anyone born in the 40's that hadn't been SWEPT UP by Elvis and the Beatles. When I asked Jenny about this, she said, "Oh, Summer, I was SO UPTIGHT." But this is one of the things I REALLY APPRECIATE about Jenny: She can field the wide-eyed crazy questions of her son's hippie-born girlfriend with absolute grace, humor, and TOTAL HONESTY. It was a real eye opener for this little liberal that could to not only talk to dyed in the wool conservatives, but to be LISTENED to, and to UNDERSTAND where they were coming from.

Jenny is a great lover of people and has a big heart. I love that she gets our favorite coffee for us when we come to visit. I love that she makes her mom's cornbread stuffing recipe for Christmas dinner. Take a look around her home and you will see beautiful photographs of not only her family, but of her wide tribe of friends, including her group of girlfriends. She is an active member of her church, and always had stories about either her turn to faith or the work her groups at church are doing. Graham and I once went to a Christmas Eve service and got to hear her sing. She has a lovely voice, and like everything, she comes to her church with great love and enthusiasm.

I also love her style. There aren't many women who can pull off the color GOLD, but she always does. She has a wide, generous smile, and a laugh to match. When I asked John what was it that REALLY made him take Jenny home to meet his mother, he said, "Jenny was just so much FUN." It's totally true.


A week before my wedding I called Jenny and left her message telling I feel like I won the lottery of in-laws. Now I KNOW I have.

Happy Birthday, Ms. Jenny Jane! I am so glad you were born.