What I learned in the SCREW IT Year, Otherwise known as 2008

A year ago, I came home from a Christmas holiday in Canada all FIRED UP about what I wanted to do with this next year and what I wanted to come true, while also keeping in mind what the REALITY of who I am and how FICKLE my feelings and mind can be.  So I came up with a theme.  That theme would be SCREW IT and you know what, people?  It TOTALLY WORKED! 

Like I said in the original post, I come up with themes and ideas and resolutions for the new year all the time, but I usually forgot about them or just didn't feel like it and this fed my (cough) occasional defeatist attitude.  Screw It seemed as apt a mantra as any.  It turns out that no doubt or idea or weather or feelings or circumstances or context or belief could stand up to it.  Whenever I got caught up in whatever was causing me to get stuck or to hesitate I was reminded: SCREW IT and all was clear again.  I was free to act.  As a result, I had some interesting unintended lessons.  Par example:

Earlier this year I was absolutely mortified by the short story that I sent to my writing group.  I was deeply IN HATE with it and feeling ashamed that I could be such a horrible writer and convinced that if I sent in the story they would kick me out.  I was just about to write a note to the group with some excuse as to why I couldn't turn a story in, when that little thought came wafting into the in box of my brain: screw it.  So I sent it anyway with a note that explained my feelings about it.  I was proud of myself for overcoming that hurdle.  I had let something go into the world without my usual stamp of approval.  So you can imagine my surprise when I went to the writing group and all of them thought it was the best thing I had written so far and it seemed to them so polished and so good and on and on and on. I'm not kidding.   All of them said more or less, we don't understand what you thought was so bad.  Can I tell you that I was SO HONESTLY SHOCKED by this response?  I sat there, mute, confused, and flabbergasted at how clearly my brain can hoodwink me into thinking something is so utterly one way, when it actually is another way.  I will never forget that moment as long as I live.  

I've used Screw It when I was afraid to approach my boss about a conflict we were having.  I used Screw It when, due to an emergency, I didn't have the money to make a payment on my school loans and was afraid to call them (I called and they were very helpful).  I used Screw It when publishers didn't respond to my manuscript.  I used Screw It when I was facing a possible health crisis and was so wrapped up in fear thinking I saw my life being utterly limited in every way.  I used Screw It to contact a woman I greatly admire and thought was too cool for me (we're now friends).  I used Screw It when I knew a walk was better than another day at the desk.  I am using Screw It to admit here right now that I went on WEIGHT WATCHERS this year (It's true!  It was incredibly informative & helpful!).  I've used Screw It to forgive myself and other people.  I used Screw It to ask questions.  I used Screw It to go to my cousin's wedding and to attend a family reunion when my ideas about money wouldn't allow me to do such things in the past (It turned out to be my ideas about other things--not money).  I used Screw It when I worried about what someone thought of me.  

Screw It worked for me--in a BIG WAY.  When I used it, it burned up my drama, my procrastination, my ideas of myself, my brain farts, my limitations, my mental speed bumps.  This isn't to say that I didn't still feel pain or limited or stuck or worried, but this mantra helped clear the road a little.  I don't think I need to tell you all out there, that our little roads can be thick with debris.  Clearing it even a little bit is cause for some celebration.

It's the one resolution or New Year idea that has ever stuck with me for the whole year.  I don't think I am quite ready to let it go--I want to continue it on!  But shouldn't it be NEW?  Don't I want to try on something different?  SCREW IT!  

I'm sticking to it.  Happy New Year to you all.