On Due Dates

So all this talk about not even paying attention to the due date is utter foolishness on my part. How could I NOT latch onto it and think of it as a sort of MARKER. Yesterday was my due date--in more ways than one--and although the baby did not make an appearance, something else DID get done.

10 weeks ago my fantastic editors (hi ladies!) and I had a phone meeting that basically said, "Any chance you can get your second book made by December?" I said, "SURE!" because the idea of trying to create a book with a newborn was about as appealing (and unknown, a.k.a daunting) as running a marathon or setting out on a cross country road trip with a newborn. This meant that I actually had to CREATE AN ENTIRE BOOK in 10 weeks. I thought it would be doable because I had some material already, but there were a few factors I hadn't considered: I had over a year with the first one and the format was mine. This was a book suggested by the editors and so I was flying a little blind. I had many many panic attacks thinking IS THIS WHAT THEY WANT? Is THIS? The other thing I had not counted on was my utter lack of focus. I don't know if it was pregnancy, being without a regular schedule, or being (admittedly) a bit depressed (not to mention the bouts of insomnia), but my brain felt like oatmeal most days. Trying to get work done was SLOW GOING on its best days. I kept FREAKING OUT, which always slows you down more.

Then there was just life that kept intervening. There was the book that is coming out in February and all the demands that an impending publishing date requires: last minute edits, meetings, questions to be answered, etc.

Then I got a call saying that they decided to change the book format. As it turned out, this was not as drastic as it sounded, but since I was running on panic I panicked some more until we met and I found out that with some MINOR adjustments to the work I'd already been doing, everything was going okay--and they pushed my deadline to February 1. I still wanted to get the book done before the baby came because I am hoping to take all of January off for maternity leave and didn't want to be hopping the last week or so of my leave to get stuff done.

And still the requests came in: for the new book cover, PR for AITO, and a baby to prepare for, not to mention the worry over a c-section, etc. Also, I haven't mentioned it in here, but we hadn't had hot water for FOUR MONTHS. We've had lukewarm water and a piping hot crazy landlord who was refusing to do anything. So while boiling water for dishes and taking lukewarm showers, I was also calling the city of New York and having them come to visit to check our water FIVE TIMES to say the same thing every time: "This is illegally cold!" All this on a brain made out of QUICK COOKING Quaker Oats!

And there WAS MORE STILL TO COME!

Something freakish happened last weekend, which I will not to go into specifically, but let's just say it was a GAME CHANGER. It was big enough event to change how I felt about a lot of things and one of them was that I HAD HAD IT. Enough of the pressure, enough of the deadlines, enough of the MULTI-TASKING. I had a lot of half baked major projects, including making a home for a new baby and my own sanity. I needed to just STOP and refocus and PICK MY BATTLES. So I gave the book and the cover design up and resigned myself to doing it the last week of January.

(oh ha ha)

A few days ago another book request came in with a due date of mid January. My reserves were already pretty low. People, I am such a good BUSY BEE. I try so hard to get things in on time or early, even on short deadlines, but as I said before, I'd HAD IT. The maternity leave was RAPIDLY dissolving among "just one more thing" and so was my humor and my ability to FRICKN DEAL. I needed to say NO. So I said no and explained why. It turns out, that people are (are you ready?) WILLING TO WORK WITH YOU. Go figure! How CRAZY is that? Even so, what this did was to LIGHT A FIRE under my rump and for the last 48 hours I just CRANKED on the book and last night I sent the completed manuscript and the materials for the most recent request to my editors. ON MY DUE DATE.

People, my book was born yesterday. I'll have edits to do and some back and forth, but not until February.

And, as it happens, we got hot water on Friday.

And I can give birth at the birth center.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

I was celebrating so many things last night, taking a HOT SHOWER by candlelight when it occurred to me how energetic and GOOD I felt. For the first time in 5 months I felt something in me breaking open, a sense that all was okay and MOVING FORWARD at last. And the significance of it being my due date was not lost on me. I still don't know when this baby will be born, but I feel him coming. The waters are parting, the business is being sewed up.

Baby, I think your timing might just be perfect.