This is WHAT IT IS

I have loved Lynda Barry's work since high school. It's funny, it's true, it's orginal, it's beautiful. I worshipped her until I took a class from her. Then I learned from her.

I believe in her work and I believe in her method. Her newest book, What It Is, is about her ideas and methods that she teaches. If you love art and if you want to find a very cool way to write easily and become intimate with your own mind, this BOOK IS FOR YOU.

Frankly, we need this book. Frankly, as an artist who was once told that her work is "too much"--I needed this book. It's visually NUTS. It's also true and beautiful.

GO AND GET IT.

Linus as a metaphor for blogging

This is sometimes my own mental experience with blogging.

I've been taking myself too seriously. I know, YOU ARE TOTALLY SHOCKED. It's true--EVEN ME (Thinx-2-much Pierre). There comes a time when the things you love to do become the have to dos, and that's when a subtle thing starts to transpire. You forget that it's fun. You forget what fun is, because when you are creating art or writing or music and it's all for SOMETHING and not for NOTHING it can get a little draggy. It becomes the ball and chain. This has been happening to me a lot lately and I have had that crappy gnawing feeling that something just doesn't FEEL right. Why am I not JOYFUL and LOSING TIME happily? Because after this picture or illustration, there is a short story to be written and submitted and after that there's another deadline for something else, oh and don't forget that you promised THIS to THAT person.

Yesterday I sat feeling a bit grim for no reason. I just didn't HAVE IT to give. So I decided to give up all my attempt at trying to make it all happen at once and I decided to LIGHTEN UP. The first order of business was to listen to Journey. Nothing says LIGHTEN UP like Journey's "Don't Stop Believing." I mean, let's face it, when that piano comes on, I dare ANYONE not to look over both shoulders to see if anyone is watching and then TURN IT UP. I also put away the super duper high arty literary book I am reading and got out a comic book I haven't read since I was a kid. Then, like usual when I give up the IDEA of something, cool coincidences started happening. Plans got happily canceled, therefor two of my deadlines also got pushed back; I discovered that Lynda Barry's book What It Is came out that very day. I ran and got it and ate it up with relish on the way home. And to top it all off, the actor Tony Roberts, who has been in all my favorite Woody Allen films, walked past me on 63rd Street. I took it as a good sign.

Man oh man, I think I'll start tomorrow with Boston's "More Than a Feeling." I think I need it.

The Love Theme From Robdromeda

I wrote this song awhile back for my friends Andromeda and Rob's wedding. It was actually the second song I wrote for them, because well, sometimes I can get a little obsessive and the first one, while fine, didn't seem to really NAIL IT. It was a sweet little diddy about how love makes a good life great. Yeah, okay, fine. The thing was though, I kept getting this NIGGLY feeling that it wasn't enough. They were committing to MORE than just holding hands and drinking soda through a straw. They were making a family together and it just seemed like it needed more.

I had a boyfriend say to me once that when people commit to getting married they aren't saying "I'll love you forever and ever." They are really saying, "I will TRY to love you forever and ever." I think that is what commitment is to some extent in the long run--you are committing to SHOW UP and TRY no matter what. So I wanted a song that embodied that. I wanted a song that didn't say "I will love you forever," I wanted a song that said "Even when it gets totally hard and things fall apart, I am going to try anyway."

As a little songwriter's note--this tune came to me pretty quickly, but the sweeping tone and lovely-dovey-ness of it made me feel like I was eating butter and sugar straight from the bowl. I am not one to get MUSHY in songs, but I remember what singer songwriter Rose Polenzani said to me once, "Don't ever throw anything away because it doesn't sound like 'you.' Maybe it will sound like somebody else and they can sing it for you." So with that in mind, I thought even if it isn't for me, maybe FAITH HILL would sing it. So I finished it and I am so glad I did. When I played it for the Maid of Honor, my friend Judy, she said, "That song makes me glad I know you." Best compliment EVER. Faith Hill can SUCK IT.

Newsflash!

I am still in my pajamas and it's 4:45pm.

(This could either be a good thing or a bad thing.)

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's day to all the mamas in my life--you do so much!

It Was Perfect

I was looking for something in one of my old journals this morning and I came upon this page. I love this quote--I think I got it from Jeff Pitcher's blog. It seemed only too apt as I was looking through a journal from 4 years ago, a time where I was battling the feeling of being utterly screwed most of the time. Of course, now that I feel utterly screwed only SOME of the time, I can appreciate the struggle and see that it always was perfect. It made me return to the day I am having RIGHT NOW with a deeper appreciation.

I love that photo of my brother, Luke. He was running with his tongue out to literally TASTE the ocean air in Santa Cruz. Tasting the moment and totally enjoying it.

Two Lightbulbs Are Better Than One

Yesterday I sent in a short story to my writing group, with clenched teeth, with the subject line "It is What it is." I complained to Graham about the story, and he said, "Remember, this is your work and you are DOING IT."

Ah yes, wise husband, you are so right.

It was just a year ago that I still wished I was writing fiction regularly--something I used to do in my blazing youth. I wanted to get back to it--and now here I am regularly finishing short stories and actively working on them with yes, some frustration, but most of all joy. I really love writing, and I had forgotten what it was like to sink into a world that you create on your own--and to COMPLETE it. What helped me get back into it was joining a writing group. We meet once a month and since there are six of us, we each submit every other month--so it's just enough time to give us each some time and space, but it also keeps us each working. I can't express how much I needed this and LOVE IT.

I used to be a very solitary artist--I was fiercely independent and I didn't want other people in on my work. It somehow fed the fiery belief that I was REAL and ORIGINAL and DEEP (oh yes, that argument again). Yet, as I've gotten older, and realized the things I actually WANT in my life, I was feeling increasingly isolated and stuck in my own vacuum. I wasn't getting as much done as I wanted and I was also getting STUCK in my head about the IDEA of being an artist and not so much being an ACTIVE artist. The reality is, I needed accountability, a schedule, and most of all, I needed people to get things done.

I recently began a group with 3 other women who were interested in accomplishing goals and working on making creative changes in their lives. It took awhile to get off the ground--we needed to set strict guidelines and it took a few meetings to discover what the guidelines needed to be. Then, finally, the last meeting we met, with our guidelines in place, it seemed to CLICK. When we all stated and wrote down our goals for our next meeting I felt this swell of inspiration--not just for my own goal, but for the other 3 women's goals. We were all in it TOGETHER. I felt a part of something real and tangible and I think they felt it too.

I've had an artistic dream for years (that I am not ready to share here in specifics), but I never knew how to go about doing it. Then my friend Jose, "out of the blue," asked me if I ever thought about doing that specific dream. I was stunned. He also had a creative dream that jived with mine and so, for the last 4 months, we have been meeting regularly to work on it.

What does it all this mean? OTHER PEOPLE HELP. I think the creative blog world is a great example of people wanting to REACH OUT and create TOGETHER. I also think that's why people seek out life coaches or take classes. For me, I needed the flesh and blood angle of face to face meeting. When I first heard about this amazing group, I was so jealous, which told me that I was lonely for other active artists and people who wanted to get stuff done. Community matters. It can be the difference between WISHING and DOING. Having real life people you work with and work for is a powerful tool. It gets it OUT of your head and into the REAL world. Suddenly, you're in CAHOOTS withs someone and I love sharing this experience in the real time of my life.

Now you'll have to excuse me, I got some other stuff to do. Some people are counting on it.

Coronado

Oh my goodness, it turned out to be the RIGHT California to visit after all. I had such a GOOD TIME seeing my cousins and aunts and uncles and my grandpa, I was SO SAD to leave. First of all, let me just note that next to the New York airports I am used to, San Diego's airport is like an ashram in remote India! It is SO CHILL and quiet and easy to navigate. The moment I got off the plane the clear skies and sweet air hit me and I couldn't believe how BEAUTIFUL it was.

After a sweet visit with my grandpa, I walked to the beach and sat in front of the Pacific and just drank it all in.

Both my parents' families settled in the area, so I used to spend every summer of my life on Coronado. It was a fantastic place to be during the summer. If my cousins weren't already staying at my grandparents' house with me, they were down the street at my aunt & uncles. I used to stay barefoot for two whole months, running up and down the street and walking the blocks to the beach EVERY SINGLE DAY. It was HEAVEN.

Graham called me while I was still at the beach and asked me, "So are you FILLED with nostalgia?" I said, "Honey, I am DROWNING in it!"

I was the first of the out of towners to arrive and so I got some good visiting time with my grandpa, who with the upcoming marriage of another granddaughter was ALSO drowning in nostalgia. I got to hear about his childhood in Salem, Indiana, and his inspiration from Charles Lindbergh to start flying, and his courtship with my grandmother, and many other stories he seemed eager to talk about. I loved hearing about all of it and it was good that I came early because the next day was WEDDING DAY,and the household became like a kind of epicenter of activity and shuttles and relatives coming and going and dresses being ironed.

My camera gave up the ghost moments before my cousin Jessica walked down the isle in her blond and bronzed glory. She is a private stewardess, and so were all her bridesmaids. They all walked down the isle like gorgeous models for some shampoo or beauty product that I wanted to go out and BUY IMMEDIATELY. It was a fun wedding filled with slide shows and heartfelt funny toasts, and gardenias, and three kinds of cake. Oh yeah, and because Graham wasn't there, I got hit on so HARD by a relative of a relative that I ended up switching tables. Such EXCITEMENT!

I am having my usual CALIFORNIA-FAMILY pangs returning back to New York. I guess it isn't such a bad thing to have so many people in so many places and such a large state to love. When I left, my grandpa said, "But I never got to tell you about my wedding day with your grandma. Be sure to come back while I can still speak!" If it was up to me, I'd say, "See you next weekend."