Already Homesick

This morning I got up excited and made coffee for me and Graham, and packed my last minute things, and got ready for work, all the while thinking: I am going to Los Angeles tonight! Gah!

I love to travel, but I get separation gloom about two days before I leave. I hate the part of saying good bye to Graham. I'm an independent, strong, feminist and yet I still get sad when I say goodbye to my partner and our cats for three days. When I get back I'll have two days with him, and then HE will be gone for four days. The sucker is going to HAWAII (dang it!), to talk about the philosophical ideas of international relations (yep, you read that right). I thought for about three fantastical seconds that I might go with him, until I found out that it cost more than two tickets to Europe to fly to Honolulu from New York. Then I had to politely decline (bitterly, I might add).

In any case, I was sad this morning, looking at my cats and Graham--the lump in my throat growing ever larger. I get a terrible sense of sharp, sad nostalgia about the places I am leaving. As I walked out to the subway, I looked out at the trash on the street, and the Dunkn' Donuts/Baskin Robbins/Togo's on our corner with such FONDNESS.

As I reached the subway, gaining momentum at the sound of the trains, I realized that me missing Graham is probably not such a bad thing. I have been in relationships where I had no problem leaving whatsoever, in fact if they had dropped me off 24 hours before my flight that would have been just fine with me. ANYTHING to GET AWAY. I've also been in relationships where the boyfriend would have preferred to drop me off at the airport 24 hours before I left, but my grip on his shirt sleeve just WOULDN'T GIVE. ANYTHING TO GET AWAY.

Last night Graham said, "I don't think you should go." and I said, "Me neither. You probably shouldn't go to Hawaii either." And then he said, "You'll have a good time." and patted my leg. Thanks for the well wishes, buddy.

I'll be away for about a week. See you when I return!